


Luxury

by DolorousDoll



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dreams, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post Season/Series 05, ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 10:10:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/709580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DolorousDoll/pseuds/DolorousDoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luxury is a rare occurrence in a hunter's world. Cas is Sam's luxury. Sassy. Set some time during S6.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this story as a random PWP one shot then ended up writing some more, I'll be uploading the next couple of chapters as soon as possible. 
> 
> I don't have a beta so any and all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Read, review, enjoy.
> 
> Much Love
> 
> Dolorous Doll
> 
> X

Sam doesn’t know how long they’ve been doing this. He doesn’t question it because questioning makes way to thinking. And Sam doesn’t want to think about it he just wants to enjoy it. The luxury of pleasure and comfort is so scarce when you live the life he does, so he doesn’t question he doesn’t ask he simply acts. He waits for Castiel to arrive in a flutter of invisible wings and the moment he does he’s on the angel running large hands over that lithe body and undressing him in record time. Getting the celestial being onto his hands and knees and fucking him to his hearts content. Going rough, hard and fast because he knows Cas can take it. Knows Cas loves it this way. 

Sam thrusts, his knees burning against the rumpled bed covers. The force behind his movement’s push Cas forward, the angel’s hand comes up as he slams it against the headboard as he tries to level himself. He bows his head and gasps, pressing himself back into Sam. The section where their bodies connect slapping together obscenely. Taking one hand away from Castiel’s hip Sam grabs his hair and pulls, forcing Cas to arch his back and take Sam in deeper. Always deeper. 

Cas’s head shoots up and his eyes widen. 

“No.” The angel growls out his voice almost breaking through to a whine as he looks towards the motel door. 

Sam suddenly worried removes his hand from Cas’s hair and slows his thrusts, his hips faltering when all he wants to do is pound into Castiel.

“Cas?” Sam asks as he wet’s his lips with his tongue, his palm smoothing out between the angel’s tensed shoulder blades. 

Sam hears a car door slam shut before there are thunderously loud steps heading straight for his room. He hears Dean’s whistle and his heart freezes in his chest. God if Dean finds him like this finds him and Cas like this he’d kill them. 

“Sam.” Cas breathes as he pushes back against Sam and the hunter gawps because Cas cant seriously think Sam’s going to carry on fucking him when his brother is about to burst through the door. 

“Sam!” Cas says again this time more forcefully before he looks over his shoulder and scowls at the brunette. 

“Oh.” Sam gets it and with a heated blush to his cheeks he quickly pulls out of Cas only to have a lapful of angel a moment later and two fingers to his forehead. 

Blinking away the haze of the too quick travel Sam barely has time to gasp before he’s on his back. Cas sinks down onto his erection, his hands splayed on either side of Sam’s head as he starts moving his hips in the most sinful of ways. And it’s so damn beautiful so beautiful the way Cas whimpers like he’s stuck between pain and pleasure the way he leans down to mouth Sam’s chest, catches a nipple between his teeth and tugs so sharply that Sam growls and pulls his head away, moves it to his lips instead where he kisses him. 

Sam shifts his hips brushes his leaking penis against Cas’s prostate and the angel relaxes against him too close yet too far away from his orgasm. Sam pulls Cas further down his arms tightly wrapped around the angels shoulders forcing their chests together, Cas’s rock hard erection trapped between them both. Castiel’s arms wound around Sam’s neck as he buries his face into it, his whole body rolling against Sam’s as he attempts to push them that little bit further. 

Sam grits his teeth together as he comes, his body sinking down as heat rushes out of him and into Castiel. Cas follows soon after a litany of Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam falling from his parted lips. The words no more than a breathy exhalation. 

“Fuck Cas... Fuck.” Sam can barely say anything else can barely think of anything else besides that was one of the best orgasms he’s ever had. His toes are tingling his skin is on fire and his cock is pulsing like crazy. Yeah definitely one of the best. 

Cas pulls away gently to look at Sam his eyes half closed and a small quirk on his lips. He rubs their noses together as he sighs contently and Sam can’t help himself he kisses Cas pours all of his remaining energy into the kiss. Cause Cas is fucking amazing and Sam doesn’t particularly know how to say it but he can show it. Their lips part with a soft whisper of skin and Castiel rolls off and to the side of Sam. It’s only then that the hunter looks around him. 

They’re in a dilapidated house, the walls grey and ripped open revealing plaster beneath. Their on a too springy mattress, the houses windows are surrounded by rotting wood and the glass has been smashed out of most of them. 

“Where are we?” Sam asks as he inclines his head to the side to look at his angel. 

Cas’s eyes remain closed as he answers.

“Montana.” 

Sam’s eyes widen for a moment before he shakes his head affectionately. He falls back onto the bed with a huff of breath, stretching long and slow. 

A shift on the bed and the detectable loss of weight makes him frown. He looks over to see Cas reaching for his clothes, Sam’s are there too. The hunter doesn’t ask how they got here; instead he wants to know where Cas is going so he asks exactly that. 

“There is much I must do, Heaven still needs me.” Cas reminds though his voice is quieter than normal closed off as if he’s hoping Sam won’t ask him anymore on the situation. Sam can’t deny him, so he doesn’t ask. He simply inclines his arm outward and gives Cas a pointed look. “Heaven can wait for a couple more minutes.” He voices and waits because he knows Cas will come, knows Cas will curl so tightly into his side, wrap his legs around Sam and rest his cheek on his chest, right over Sam’s heart. 

Cas is a luxury and pleasure Sam has. The only one he has it seems at times. He knows it can’t last forever, there’s always something threatening them always something that wants their heads on sticks. But right now he has Cas, he has this small luxury. And luxury is so rare in a hunter’s life Sam doesn’t think about it anymore he acts. He reaches over and pulls Cas’s overcoat over them, feeling Goosebumps ride over his body as Cas’s fingers run over his nipple.


	2. 2

Sam is aware that Castiel is his luxury but sometimes he wonders what exactly he is to Castiel. Because Cas has called him many things, an abomination, the boy with the demon blood, a friend and a few select things when it’s just the two of them, bodies pressed together in a dark cramped space. Sam prefers those words but not as much as he enjoys when Cas addresses him as Sam. It’s not really the word it’s the way he _says_ it.

When Sam runs his fingers over the tight skin of Castiel’s sternum the angel breaths his name out in a soft tone almost as if he’s swooning.  When Sam’s head is buried between Castiel’s thighs Sam’s name is punctured out of Castiel’s throat as if the angels choking on the word. When Castiel has Sam splayed out before him legs spread wide Cas says his name thoughtfully and slowly coaxing Sam to punch his hips up to meet each one of Castiel’s pressure filled thrusts. When their activities have exhausted Sam and the hunter can do no more than sleep Castiel runs a hand through his hair and says his name quietly and affectionately, his lips barely parting as he speaks Sam’s name. 

But Castiel has never spoken his name as he is now. His voice is trembling, the deep baritone quivering along with his body as he parts his legs exposing his naked body to Sam.  His hands are bound together at the wrists by a piece of rope that has Enochian sigils pressed into them.  The rope then tied around the headboard. Every section of his body is hard, his nipples, his erection, his muscles but his body is lose, plaint and just ready to be well and truly utterly fucked apart.  Sam’s willing to indulge him just not yet.  The rope was Cas’s idea, it weakens the angel, stops him from healing which Sam takes full advantage of. He marks Castiel with his teeth and nails leaving long red scratch marks and blossomed pink hickeys. Each one of Sam’s movements are slow and deliberate. 

The hunter rolls the sleeves of his plaid shirt up before he kneels between Castiel’s legs, a substantial amount of lube coating his fingers.  Sam leans forward, places one hand against the headboard beside Castiel’s, his other hand skittering down the angel’s body leaving a glob of lubricant on Castiel’s abdomen before he reaches down and past the angel’s throbbing erection. He doesn’t tease, just presses one finger slowly in feeling the drag of skin against that digit as he pushes it in as far as it will go.  Castiel’s breathe hitches, his whole chest seizing tight as he turns his face into the side of Sam’s neck. Sam adds a second finger and the sounds Castiel makes are delicious, are so fucking hot it’s out of this world.  

“Sam...please.” Cas’s fingers twist around the rope binding his hands, the rough material chaffing his wrists.

“Not yet.” Sam mumbles as he turns his head pressing a hard short kiss to Castiel’s lips.  

Sam feels his cock stiffening against his boxers and jeans, his erection a hot insistent pressure against his thigh.  He presses his crotch down into Castiel’s leg the denim burning against the others naked skin.

Cas needs it, needs it so terribly he’s done with begging. He accentuates his quiet quick moans, breathing them right into Sam’s ear. However Sam doesn’t relent he simply adds another finger and quickens the pace in which he’s pushing them into Castiel.  

“Hmph.” Cas makes a noise, a stunted little thing before he moans and the next moment his teeth have bitten into the soft flesh of Sam’s neck. Ah. Just got his prostate.  Sam fucks his fingers into Cas, the three large digits brushing over sensitive nerve endings. He does it faster and harder until the angel’s breath comes out in short sharp stabs of laboured gasps.  And that’s when the words start a confession of filthy things that cause a surge of heat to run up Cas’s spine.

“Gonna fuck you hard...push your legs so far up over your head your knees’ll hit the fucking headboard.” Sam promises his fingers pressing and rubbing into Castiel, the angels erection dribbling thick amounts of pre come. Sam pushes his crotch into Castiel more, needing to feel that friction that he’s been seeking.  Even though Sam’s said worse things to Castiel he still blushes cause Cas is a damn angel. But angel or not Cas prefers these words to the ones that were spoken to him when Sam was soulless.  Prefers them to the flippant way Dean addresses him.

Soon enough Cas is a sweaty mess of pheromones.  His breathing stunted and his cock so painfully hard he feels as if he won’t survive unless he reaches orgasm.

“I want to touch you.” He whispers against Sam’s lips as the hunter’s fingers slow. Castiel’s hole feels well and truly battered from the quick movements of the others fingers but he knows he can take more, won’t be happy until he gets it.  He needs something thicker and hotter inside him and Sam’s cock is perfect for that.  

“Okay.” Sam agrees removing his fingers before brushing them against the duvet, getting off all the excess lube before he removes the rope from the headboard however leaves Cas’s wrists bound his hands criss-crossed over the other. Sam strips soon after his clothes dismissively thrown to the floor.

Hands still bound Castiel puts his arms over Sam’s head his forearms brushing the sides of Sam’s neck before he kisses him. All tongue teeth and no finesse.  

Sam lays Castiel on his back using the creases of his elbows to push at Cas’s inner knees, raising them up, his hands curling over the other knees before his fingers press into the others inner thighs. Like this Cas can’t move much can only count on Sam to move for him.  The pink rounded tip of Sam’s cock teases up Cas’s crevice before he stills, his cock barely breaching the other.

“Sam.” Castiel growls impatiently causing the hunter to laugh breathlessly and damn it, it sounded more like a giggle but there’s something amusing about Cas when he’s gagging for it.  

“Okay, okay.” Sam laughs again and he’s sure Castiel’s about to scowl at him but before he gets the chance Sam pushes in, lets his green eyes lower so he can watch himself enter Castiel. Watch how inch by inch he’s encased, stare in rapture as Castiel’s entrance stretches around him. Hot and wet inside.  Sam’s head lowers to Castiel’s chest when he’s all the way inside cause ...fuck that feels good.  Castiel’s cock pulses against Sam’s chest and remembering where he is Sam lifts his head, pulls out, catches Cas’s eyes then fucks into him hard.

Castiel screams his pleasure.

After this it’s a mess of tangled limbs and grabby hands.

Sam throws Castiel onto his side, moves one of the angels legs up to his shoulder where his calf rests over Sam’s back.  Sam fits himself between Castiel’s spread legs, his cock finding the others entrance before he fucks into him again the smell of pre come overwhelming in the cheap motel room.

Cas’s bound hands grip the sheets, his eyes clenched shut and his cheek pressed into the bedding.  Sam kisses Castiel’s knee between gasps of breath. With a slight fumbling of his hand Sam manages to grab hold of Castiel’s erection giving rough sharp tugs which are completely out of sync with his thrusts but he couldn’t care less. He’s not sure who comes first but when he can concentrate again his thighs and groin are a mess and so is Castiel, the angel lying debauched and gasping on the bed.

Sam pulls out of him slowly, his hand gently running over Castiel’s temple and through his hair before he leans over the bed reaches into his jeans pocket and locates his small knife.  With swift easy movements he cuts the rope binding Castiel’s hand together, watching in interest as the sigils glow a deep orange before greying over.  Almost instantly all the marks Sam applied to the others body disappear.  Sam doesn’t pretend he’s not disappointed.  The marks around his wrists take a little longer to heal and Sam’s not entirely sure why he does it but he leans over Cas’s body and presses his lips to the inside of either wrist.

When they’re both dressed Sam buttoning the last few buttons of his shirt he turns to face Cas.

“How are things in heaven?” The hunter finds himself asking because more often than not he forgets Castiel’s situation entirely.

“Better.” Cas replies as he looks down and fuck him if he isn’t a bad liar.

“You know if you ever need our help all you gotta do is ask right?”

“Of Course.”

Lying again. It seems that’s become a regular occurrence with Castiel but he’s still terrible at it which Sam is grateful for.

“I mean it. Without your help a lot of stuff could have gone to crap. The apocalypse. Trying to get me reinsouled.” Sam declares as he moves closer.

For a moment he’s sure he sees something in Castiel’s eyes.  Guilt. Regret. Vulnerability. Fear.

“Sam I...there’s something I need to tell you but I’m not entirely sure if you’d understand -.”

The sound of a phone ringing cuts Cas short. It takes Sam a few seconds to realise it’s his before he rushes over to retrieve it from the bedside table.

“Hello.” He answers breathlessly.

Castiel exhales non too steadily, his vessels heart beating painfully because he was about to tell Sam everything was about to confess to his business with Sam’s soul and purgatory and Crowley because he feels so lonely it’s unbearable. He can’t trust anyone and if he knew that free will and chance would have given him this he would have preferred to stay dead. But now’s not the time for thoughts like that. Castiel _can’t_ think like that. Because people need him. Sam and Dean need him and as long as they do he can’t think about wrong or right. He can only think about winning. No matter the cost.

Sam has an almost cheeky smile on his face as he turns to face Cas.

“Yeah sorry Dean just out getting pizza.”

“ _It takes you a damn hour to get pizza_.” Castiel hears Dean’s exasperated voice from the other end of the phone.

“uhh.. yeah sorry dude.”

Dean sighs before he replies.

“ _Whatever just be quick will ya and bring some damn pie whiles your out_.”  Dean hangs up and Sam says. “Sure gotta remember the pie.” To himself before he pockets his phone.

Whatever slice of emotion Sam saw in Castiel’s eyes is gone.

“I have to go.” Castiel informs him before he disappears in a flutter of wings.

Sam blinks, grabs his coat from the bed then exits the motel room for once not bothered about the mess himself and Castiel left behind.

On the walk back from the pizzeria the only thing he can think about is that look on Cas’s face. That resigned exhaustion. It was a look he’d seen in the mirror many a time before. But maybe he was just reading too much into it. I mean Cas would tell them if something was wrong.... wouldn’t he? 

 


	3. 3

Sam’s more confused that anything. With a smash of glass and a tumble of his body he’s in his universe. His short lived life as an actor on the show _Supernatural_ is done and once again he’s thrown into the chaos of his real life.  Raphael struts towards him her face a cold mask of fury and righteousness.

“You two...have the strangest luck.” Sam forces himself up, his fingers tightly grasping the motel keys.

Dean unable to stop himself makes a comment about Raphael’s vessel and like Sam expected there’s consequences in the form of his insides crushing together. His ribs close against his inner organs and it _hurts_. Sam grits his teeth as he fights to not cry out in pain, the keys fall out of his hand and with a jangle he hears them being picked up.  

He allows himself to fall to one knee but then Balthazar arrives and the pains gone, himself and Dean jump to their feet more than willing to step back and let the two angels have at it.

Sam watches the scene unfold before him, his eyes flickering to Dean’s every once in a while as he tries to think of a way they can get out of this unscathed. Before Sam can plot he hears Cas’s gravelly voice demanding Raphael step away from Balthazar. Sam doesn’t try to hide the relief on his face. This Cas, his Cas is still alive. _Misha_ or whatever his name is from the other universe was brutally stabbed but the doppelganger in their universe is safe and that’s enough for Sam to forget all about his escape plan.

Castiel’s wings fan out so magnificently, the dark shadows of them spreading against the dirty brick wall behind him and Sam thinks that this is the most majestic Cas has ever looked.

There are more words and threatening looks before Raphael disappears so quickly Sam misses the sound of his wings beating.

“Well Cas ... now that you have your sword ...try not to die by it.” Balthazar’s eyes soften and his mouth quirks up ever so slightly in familiar affection. It makes Sam’s gut twist uncomfortably.

 “Cas..what the hell?” Sam breathlessly asks his mind still blown over seeing Cas’s wings, it may have just been the shadows but it was a heavy reminder of exactly what he is.

There’s no reply just a hand to his shoulder and the next thing he knows, he’s at Bobby’s – and it’s raining- that thought is soon discarded when everything clicks into place in Sam’s head.

“Wait you were in on this? Using us as a diversion!” Sam forces himself to sound angry when really he feels more hurt than anything else.

“It was Balthazar’s plan.” Cas states, his back turned to Sam and Dean.

Sam stands with an open mouth and a frown because this isn’t the Cas he knows. Cas wouldn’t intentionally put them in danger just to retrieve weapons.  When Anna had returned from Heaven and wanted to meet with them Castiel had put his own life in danger by meeting her alone just to make sure all was well before Sam and Dean got involved. It just didn’t make any sense. Raphael was a hell of a lot more dangerous than Anna had ever been and Cas practically led the archangel to them.

“I would have done the same thing.”  Castiel admits.

“That’s not comforting Cas!” Dean growls out and Sam notices how his brother’s fist is clenched, his knuckles whitening but Sam doesn’t comment.

Sam does nothing more than stare as his brother and angel have a shouting match between them, Deans voice becoming deeper and more agitated as time passes. He knows there’s a rift between the two of them. Sam doesn’t know if it’s because of circumstances or because of him.  The only time Dean speaks to Castiel now is when they come across a problem that is too big for them to handle themselves, it’s a long shot from how they used to sit and drink at bars together, Castiel unintentionally amusing Dean with his naivety. 

Castiel has a guarded look on his face the entire time he speaks but again there’s something soft there, an inkling of regret and all Sam’s wants to do is hold him but he can’t possibly do that in front of Dean so he allows Castiel to flee.

When everyone’s asleep Sam quietly exits the kitchen where he had been rolling his warm beer around in his hands and walks through Bobby’s back yard.

He prays for Cas. And waits. And waits. And waits. The sun begins to rise and instead of finding the beauty in it as Sam usually does it makes him feel nauseous.

He goes back to the house removes a beer from the fridge, sits on a dining table chair and rolls the bottle around in his hands. He isn’t aware he hasn’t drank any of it until Dean stumbles sleepily into the room, raises an eyebrow at him and says “Little early for that Sammy.” Sam hums the noise quiet and not quite finished before he gets up spills the beer down the sink and ambles towards the stairs to shower. The entire time he can feel Dean’s eyes on him.

/

Their in the car on the way into town because Bobby stressed that it was their fault his house is ripped to shit. So it’s also up to them to fix the gaping hole in his wall. Dean grumbled that if Bobby wanted to get _technical_ it was actually Balthazar’s fault.  Bobby then reasoned that if Dean had that attitude he should stop drinking all of Bobby’s whiskey. Dean soon shut up.

The familiar leather seats and purr of the Impala lull Sam somewhat but he hasn’t slept and he’s grouchy and every time Dean looks at him he wants to scream.

“What!” Sam finally asks when they pause at a set of traffic lights and Dean’s eyes shift to him.

“Dude, what’s with you? You’ve been moping all day.” Dean tries to make asking sound like a chore but Sam can hear the worry beneath his words.

“Nothing...” Sam sighs. When Dean continues looking at him, he rolls his eyes. “ _Nothing_ Dean. I’m just tired.” Suddenly Sam feels like a pissy teenager again.

“Hmm.” Dean replies before driving off again.

They park up soon after and Sam finds himself waiting in the car for Dean for almost seven minutes. It doesn’t seem like much but when you’ve had zero sleep and you know you have a day full of D.I.Y and Dean’s awful singing ahead of you seven minutes is long enough.

Sam huffs dramatically; Dean said he was taking a leak that was all. Sam was sure relieving yourself didn’t take long.  

With his hand on the door handle Sam readies himself to leave the Impala before he sees Dean crossing the road towards the car and in his hand is a paper bag with the name of a sandwich deli sprawled across the side. Sam rolls his eyes because of course Dean has to stop for food.  

Sam turns his body towards the driver’s seat door, raising an eyebrow and pursing his lips as Dean plonks down into the driver’s seat.   

“Keep pulling that face Sammy and it’ll get stuck like that.” Dean jokes, whistling in an attempt to hide his laughter as he puts the key in the ignition.

“I thought we were supposed to get supplies for fixing Bobby’s wall not getting- “

Sam reaches over to the bag Dean had placed between them, roughly opening it before peering inside and finding a fruit tart neatly confided within a plastic container.  

“Fruit tart.” Sam finishes lamely his eyes taking in the perfectly sliced kiwi, strawberry and pineapple pieces on top of the frangipane filled tart.

“You’re favourite.” Dean comments, his voice seeking approval even though his eyes are focused on the road as he pulls out onto it.

“Yeah.” Sam agrees breathlessly. “Thanks Dean.”

Dean turns to him with a grin. “Don’t get all mushy on me Sammy, just thought if you got your five a day you wouldn’t be so PMS’y.”

Sam’s sure PMS’y isn’t even a word but Dean made the effort to get him his favourite dessert and that’s kind of awesome.  

/

Fixing Bobby’s wall takes longer than expected because Dean misread the instructions on how to make concrete, regardless they get it done and once their finished Sam manages to eat a sandwich before he passes out on Bobby’s sofa.

Sam rarely has good dreams anymore, he can barely remember a time when he did. More often than not when he falls asleep it’s from exhaustion so he see’s nothingness until he wakes up. But there is the odd night where he has nightmares, where he’s sure he hears Lucifer’s whispers however that may be the wall. Sam thinks of it sometimes and ponders what the consequences would be if the wall were to shatter. Would it explode and smash as Bobby’s study wall had or would it simply fall to pieces silently and unknowingly.

He tries not to scratch at it, he tries not to pry but Sam’s always had a hard time doing what people tell him to. Sometimes he finds himself wanting to confront that part of his memory that’s locked away, so he can beat it and be rid of it. Because as long as it’s there it’s going to be a burden, something that he has to think about and be wary of.  As long as the walls there he’s not one hundred percent and the thought scares Sam because if something were to go wrong when they were on a hunt he doesn’t think no he _knows_ that whatever monster is there won’t stop attacking and wait for him to have an episode. It would kill him. It would kill Dean. And that thought alone makes Sam sick with guilt. It also makes him feel strangely vulnerable something he hasn’t felt since he was a pre teen and was confused with his body and his broken family and the repition of _why me?_

He’s asked Castiel what the consequences could be if the wall were to be broken. Castiel said that Sam’s most likely to die; the angel claimed his death would be a great mercy to the alternative. Cas has a habit of being blunt at the best of times. Sam then asked that if he was to miraculously survive the crumbling of the wall what would happen.  Paralyses. Insanity. Physic pains. Hallucinations. So all good things of course.  Sam sometimes wonders what he’d see. Would he recall being tortured in hell? Would he remember Lucifer?  

He beat the devil once before what was it Lucifer had said. ‘ _A fiddle of gold against your soul says I’m better than you_ ’ Sam had proven him wrong of course. He had taken control of his body once again and thrown himself into the pit.  He was strong enough to beat the devil then and Lucifer was corporal. He was at his best, in his true vessel and Sam had still beaten him. But now Lucifer’s simply a memory. The hunter was sure he could dispel the angel from his mind if only he were given the chance.

Through the darkness of his subconscious Sam finds himself in a sunny field, overgrown wheat reaching upto his knees. He looks down at his hand finding a black dog lead and collar, from closer inspection he sees small red bone shaped symbols etched into the fabric of the collar and lead.  

He frowns in thought and from instinct alone brings two fingers to his mouth rests them beneath his tongue and blows. A loud whistling sounds from his mouth, then the sound of soft balled paws shift over the ground.  A grin spreads across his face as a golden Labrador bounds towards him its flappy pink tongue waggling crazily.  “Bones!” Sam called excitedly crouching down to ruffle and rub at the dog’s ears.  Bones barks happily before he leans forward his tongue lathering over Sam’s face. “Thanks for the kisses.” Sam laughs as he stands using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away the slobber on his face.

Bones barks again and a stick appears at Sam’s feet.  Sam swoops down and collects it before waving it back and forth catching the lab’s attention before he leans back and using all his strength throws the stick and grins happily as Bones races after it.

He misses the lab, wonders what happened to him. Sam wonders about a lot of people at times. What happened to Sarah Blake? Did she continue working at the art gallery or did she find another profession. Is she married now, does she have kids? He wonders about the people he hadn’t managed to save. Are, they now in heaven or hell? Maybe they’re in neither. Maybe their spirits, destined to travel the plane between life and death until a hunter comes along and removes them from existence entirely.

Sam frowns because Bones is a fast runner and he still isn’t back.

The hunter hears Bones bark but it’s not his usual happy bark. This one is short sharp and threatening, the noise followed by an angry primal growl.

“Bones?” Sam calls his voice uncertain.

Bone’s growls again before something whips through the air, than a thick wet squelch sound reaches Sam’s ears.

“Bones!” Sam shouts, cloudy puffs of air leaving his mouth, he suddenly wonders when it got cold. The chill bites at his skin and he drops the dog lead and collar. He starts running as the sky darkens his eyes darting around as he tries to locate the Labrador.

_Sorry if it’s a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It’s actually quite the opposite._

Sam’s head flinches away against the words as he runs faster his heart mercilessly beating against his chest.

“Bones!”  

Sam stops in the middle of the field, his breathing long and heavy. He looks around but all is dark. A wind picks up and the wheat surrounding him beats against his legs.

“ _Sam_!”  The word is whispered urgently, the voice a familiar one. He wants to ignore it but Sam finds himself whispering back.

“Lucifer.”  

A presence appears behind him, their form bringing a rush of cold and dark and _wrong_. The hunter spins around his eyes widening when he sees no other than Lucifer standing there and by his feet is a bloody and still dog. His dog.

“Bones!” Sam shouts his worry dulling his instinct as he kneels down to attend to the Labrador. This is Lucifer. He should be running away from him not bowing at his feet.

Sam’s large hand shakes as it presses down over the dog’s abdomen. It comes back covered in blood. He grits his teeth as he glares up at Lucifer.

“What did you to do him you son of a bitch!” Lucifer tsks as he shakes his head, almost like a teacher would reprimand their student. He kneels so he’s able to lock his eyes with Sam’s.

“Canines. Such foul creatures.” Is all Lucifer says before he smiles and it’s just as Sam remembers – cold, self assured, sociopathic. 

Sam’s about to reply but then a warmth appears to the left of him and then there’s a hand on his shoulder. He looks over and see’s Castiel.

“Cas-.”  

“Wake up Sam.”

The angels frowning, his hold on Sam’s shoulder minutely tightening as the hunter prepares himself to face Lucifer once again. He’s so confused because this seems real, it _feels_ real but Cas told him to wake up so he must be dreaming.  With a hazy nod Sam complies. “Okay.”  He whispers. Then again this time with more clarity. “Okay.”

Castiel nods and just like that, he’s awake.  Sam’s eyes peel open and leaning against Bobby’s desk is Cas.

“Hey.” The hunter whispers his voice hoarse; he clears his throat before sitting up, his back pressed against the arm rest. “Thanks for that. I didn’t realise I was dreaming.” “I know.” Cas replies his brows pinched together. “You mustn’t let him taunt you like that Sam, we have no idea what is simply memory or reality when it comes to Lucifer. If you see him in your subconscious you have to wake up.” Sam huffs. “You want me to run. Like a coward?”

Castiel exhales through his nostrils like having to explain this to Sam is a nuisance.  “No I want you to consider your sanity and be aware that if anything happens to you then it affects those who care about you – Dean, Bobby.”  Sam waits for Castiel to say his own name but he doesn’t and Sam briefly wonders if Castiel would miss him if anything were to happen to Sam.

Castiel’s voice is forceful and reprimanding and it makes Sam stop and think. He thinks about what would happen to Dean if something happened to Sam.  Would he find his way back to Lisa or would he consider making another crossroads deal?

Sam cares; he cares about what would happen to Dean and Bobby if something were to happen to him but sometimes Sam cares more about what would happen to the world. He feels as if he owes it so much seeing as he caused half of the bad that’s happened to it. The only thing Sam doesn’t seem to care about is himself. Talk about being a glutton for self sacrifice.  

Sam stands and walks over to Castiel his bare feet padding over Bobby’s laminate flooring.  “I’m sorry...you’re right.” Sam says.  “It’s just.” Sam sighs. “It’s just that I beat the devil before why couldn’t I do it again?” “That was entirely different this isn’t just simply a test on yourself restraint. What you’re talking about is opening yourself up to over a century’s worth of torture which was inflicted upon your _soul._ You couldn’t possibly handle that – no human can.”

Sam’s eyes search Castiel’s and all he sees is honesty.  Maybe Sam’s expecting too much from himself.  The hunter feels as if he should say more should ask more. Ask Castiel what the hell was so important about the weapons that he had to risk his and Dean’s life.  Instead he leans down and brushes his lips over Castiel’s.

 “Can you stay?”

Castiel looks unsure for a moment.

“Not for long.” He finally answers.

Sam makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a six pack from the fridge. When he enters the living room Castiel is sitting on the sofa, his trench coat and suit jacket placed neatly over the arm of it.

Sam hands him a beer watching as Cas mechanically opens it before he takes a seat next to the angel.

They drink in relative silence the only sound the quiet hollow pop of their lips connecting and disconnecting from the bottles tip.

“Something’s bothering you.”  Castiel states, his eyes flicking to the side to look at Sam.

Sam looks reluctant to speak however once he opens his second beer he’s more than willing.

 “It’s this past year.  Dean keeps telling me to bury it to forget about it but I can’t. I mean... the wall I get it that’s bad I shouldn’t scratch at it but that year I was soulless I did _a lot_ of bad and I need...I need to make up for it.”

Castiel shakes his head.

“Sam you have nothing to atone for. During the past year you weren’t _you_. You were without your _soul._  You can’t possibly blame yourself for something you had no control over.”

“Yeah but now I have control and I have to do something. I’ve gotta make a difference.”

Castiel leans forwards his spine curling as he places his beer on the floor.  He turns his body into Sam’s and waits for the hunter to look at him before he speaks.

“Sam you’ve been making a difference in this world since the day you were born. Without you millions of people would have died. You’re a hero. ”

Sam closes his eyes against the praise because he doesn’t feel like a hero. That small glimpse of what he had done in Rhode Island was enough to make him lose sleep. He’d lied, he’d cheated, he’d _betrayed._

“How can you still have so much faith in me after all I’ve done.” Sam asks, his eyes still closed.

Castiel inches closer to Sam his body heat a welcoming presence. 

“Because you’re my friend.” Castiel says quietly.

There’s no need for words Sam’s eyes say it all.

They drink more and more until the hunter’s skin in tingling and his insides are warm.

He moves closer to Castiel until their shoulders are touching. He needs to feel Castiel close to him, to know he has the forgiveness and acceptance of an angel no matter what he’s done.  Castiel picks up on Sam’s thoughts, it’s pretty hard not to when Sam’s thinking so loudly and so obsessively. His emotions are like a pendulum on overdrive, constantly gravitating towards two points – guilt and anger.

Castiel frowns because he wants to make it better but in all honesty isn’t sure how he can.

“I too have things to atone for Sam. You are not the only one who has made mistakes so I want you to know you shouldn’t feel the need to keep burdening yourself with all this guilt.”

Sam snorts softly.

“What could you possibly have to atone for Cas?”

Castiel swallows and for a moment thinks _this is it_. He’s let too much slip and Sam’s going to become suspicious.  Castiel stays silent and as a result Sam turns worried eyes onto him.

“Cas?”

The apprehensive look on Castiel’s face makes Sam alert. He sits up properly as he clumsily places his beer bottle onto the tabletop beside the sofa.

“Hey what’s up? You know you can tell me... is it the war?”

Castiel nods slowly, thankful for the olive branch Sam has given him. It is the war but only partly there’s so much more to it. So much more Castiel has to atone for.

“I’m losing Sam.  Retrieving the weapons was a small victory but Raphael gains more followers as the days pass and for the first time in a long time I don’t know what to do.”

Sam frowns worriedly at him and for a moment Castiel gives himself the luxury of pretending that it’s just him and Sam in the world and if anything were to threaten them he could simply wish them away.

Sam places a hand on Castiel’s thigh, the inside of his palm warm, strong and comforting.

“Cas we can work through this. Anything you need me and Dean can help.”

“It’s not your burden to bear.” Castiel whispers.

“You’re our friend.”

Sam’s frown deepens because at his words guilt builds in Castiel’s eyes and the angel has nothing to feel guilty for. It’s not his fault his plan isn’t working out. None of this is Castiel’s fault. Before Sam can ask him more Castiel sways forward and presses his lips against Sam’s. He tastes of warmed beer and mint.  

Without thinking about it Sam reacts, kisses Castiel back and rips at Castiel’s clothes. Let’s the angel push up against him, until he’s straddling one of Sam’s thighs and catching his nails on the hunters shirt and he pulls it up and over his head.

Sam shoves harshly at Castiel’s abdomen, listens for the pushed out breath pass Castiel’s lips as he falls back onto the sofa.  Sam slots between his legs then it’s a race as they pull and tear and open one another’s clothes. Castiel’s shirt is still hanging from one shoulder and Sam’s pants are at mid thigh when he thrusts against the angel.  

Castiel gasps sharply one hand gripping Sam’s shoulder the other his ass. He pulls Sam against him at the same time thrusts up rubbing his erection against Sam’s, their skin slowly dragging together.  His movements are frantic and uncontrolled and so fucking _good._  But Sam wants to go slow wants to feel _everything_ from the stickiness of Castiel’s pre-come to the goose bumps that pepper Castiel’s body.  It takes all of Sam’s self restraint to stop thrusting and reach his hands up to place them on Castiel’s arms and hold him still.

“Hey, hey slow down.” Sam pants.

Castiel shakes his head, his eyes clenched shut.

“No.” The angel breathes as he pulls Sam towards him and encloses his legs around Sam’s waist.

Sam’s breath is hot and laboured against Castiel’s cheek, his body sweaty beneath the angel’s hands.

The hunter slides his arm beneath Castiel’s back and presses up. Cas arches his back and moans as Sam’s velvety soft tongue runs over his pink hardened nipples, a coil of arousal twisting inside his gut. Castiel gasps in his ear, punctured broken noises as his hand scratches down Sam’s back the angel trying to find purchase in this over sensitized haze of pleasure.

 He rolls them over abruptly sending them crashing to the floor and he knows it hurts Sam’s back because the hunter winces but he doesn’t give Sam time to think about it. Instead he lowers his head, making sure he lazily licks over Sam’s hipbones before he stops at the brunette’s erection.

He looks up at Sam, the Winchester’s chest heaving with his unsteady breaths.

“You know all that noise would have woken Dean up.” Sam states though he doesn’t make any move to get dressed.

“I don’t care.”

And Castiel really doesn’t.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> So if you haven’t guessed already this chapter is based on season 6 episode 15 – the French Mistake. 
> 
> Not all chapters will be based on episodes. I’m only planning to have like four more chapters and the ending of my story won’t match the canon storyline because I like non god Cas. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you liked the chapter.


	4. 4

Rachel is a beautiful angel. She doesn’t have the most imaginative name however she can be credited for her amazing strategic skills.  She’s powerful and graceful and so fierce in battle it’s a truly amazing thing to behold. Herself and Castiel share many similarities. They’re both strong, loyal and committed to the cause.

One thing that is different about them Rachel notices is Castiel’s approach to murdering his own brothers and sisters. When he kills there’s nothing there, no hint of emotion whereas before she could see the guilt eating away at him, hiding beneath his vessels rotund eyes.

At first she thought nothing of it but as time passes it worries her and a more troublesome factor- it _scares_ her.  Castiel is her one salvation. She has faith in him and to question that faith is the most terrifying thing she’s experienced. More terrifying than god’s disappearance. She never met God so nothing beyond devotion had ever grown between them. But her and Castiel. That’s different. Their _friends._  Not allies. She’s learnt the difference between the two and in all honesty she likes having friends.  She’s not completely certain of the semantics but she knows that if your friend is distressed it is your job to help them.  So she tries to talk to Castiel, to be there for him but luck is not on her side.

She’s heard rumours that there’s a traitor in their midst. She warns Castiel as soon as possible but he doesn’t stop to speak to her. Instead his eyes alight with a rage unlike anything she’s ever seen before he flies away so quickly she barely has time to follow, however she does manage to.

When she stops flight they’re in an overgrown forest the trees leaves are so alive and brilliant and green. Her eyes catch every single rain drop that slides from the veiny leaves before dripping onto the ground.  Castiel’s army is before her, their numbers are small, barely thirty of them gathered together.  Her brother addresses them monotonously as she moves to stand beside him her stance authoritative.  

Like she expected they all deny treason, all except one.

Their sister steps forward, she recognises her instantly – Ridya, she is in the same Garrison as Rachel.

“Ridya. Is this true?” Castiel asks. “Are you the one who has betrayed us?”

Ridya doesn’t even have the good grace to look guilty; her vessel is a petite thing, sleek blonde hair pulled neatly into a low ponytail, hair that frames small shoulders encased in a long sleeved grey t-shirt. Her blue eyes are hard as she scrutinizes those around her.

“This nonsense has gone on for far too long.” The blonde addresses as she turns her back to Castiel and faces his army.  “We all claim we want free will, but do we even truly know what this entails. We are made to follow, we are made to obey and in the absence of our father and Michael Raphael is the highest ranking angel.  We must have order and Raphael is willing to grant us that.”

Some angels are so easily swayed Rachel thinks as she watches her brothers and sisters faces. Not only are they listening to Ridya their _contemplating_ her words.  She feels the hurt and confusion and anger emanating from Castiel and her grace burns with it. Seeing her friend so distraught is not an easy task especially when she herself cannot do anything to change it.

“Enough!” Castiel snaps as he steps forward his trench coat swaying behind him.

“There will be no apocalypse. I expected more from you Ridya, Raphael has clearly brainwashed you into thinking this way. You can be more.” Castiel states his eyes boring into Ridya’s before he focuses them on the other angels.

“You can all be more. Follow me and together we can find peace.”  Castiel finishes, a resigned and slightly nervous look on his face as he steps back and waits for his brothers and sisters to choose a side.  

Rachel moves to Castiel’s side as quickly as possible and looks on gratefully as all of the angels walk the small expanse of ground it takes to reach herself and Castiel.

Ridya and Castiel glare at each other, icy blue irises portraying everything their words haven’t.  The tension is clear and with an inclination of her head Rachel gently orders the other angels to leave them alone.  

Twenty nine pairs of wings flutter in unison the sound echoing rapidly.

Rachel places a hand on Castiel’s forearm, the small inside of her palm fitting smoothly into Cas’s inner elbow. He gives her a curt nod allowing her to speak whatever words she needs to.

“Ridya why have you chosen this path, you seemed adamant about following Castiel before what has changed?”  Rachel tentatively asks her voice gentle and curious.

For a moment Ridya’s mask of indifference breaks and she turns watery eyes to Rachel.

“Sister can’t you see what free will has given you. Before it was introduced into our lives we were all so happy we were a _family._ How sure are you that Raphael’s intentions are wrong and Castiel’s are right?”

“Raphael intends to destroy the world.  Something our father created.  Raphael has no sense for the natural order. He’s power hungry and intolerant to those who have their own opinions - this I know. Castiel is fighting for _us_ , not for himself, his intentions are right. ” Rachel’s words are clear and truthful but Castiel can see the bewilderment in her eyes, like she can’t quite understand the betrayal she’s feeling. It’s not easy to cope with; Castiel’s knows how it feels when your family turn their backs on you.

“Sister join me or the next time we meet I cannot promise we will be on such friendly terms.”

Rachel shakes her head as she turns her eyes to Castiel.

“I’ve made my decision. My loyalties lie with Castiel.” Rachel clarifies; Ridya glares her vessels sharp upturned nose scrunching angrily.

It’s frustrating to see someone who shows such intellect in battle show such disregard for the situations going on around her. Rachel is blind to it. Everyone can clearly see Castiel is losing the war. He has fewer men as well as tact compared to Raphael and as much as Ridya loves her sister she loves her father more and she will help to restart the apocalypse because **it is written.**

Ridya turns to leave but as she does Castiel appears before her. Ridya hears Rachel’s sharp shocked gasp and the slide of metal against clothing as Castiel unsheathes his blade and forces it through her chest.  Ridya’s eyes widen as they slowly travel from Castiel’s eyes to the sword that’s ripped through her vessel’s internal organs.  She feels her flesh attempting to pull itself back together except all it does is stretch around the blade. With a scream her eyes alight and her wings uncurl from her back.

Ridya‘s corpse collapses to the floor in a meaty heap, the trees surrounding her body laying broken across the ground from the explosion of her grace.

Rachel is speechless for a long time because her sister is dead and Castiel didn’t even flinch. He puts away his sword, as tainted in blood as it still is and turns to watch as Rachel kneels beside Ridya’s body.

“Castiel what have you done?” Rachel quietly asks, her throat filled with a thickness she cannot identify.

“She was working against us. I had no other choice.”

“She was our sister.”

Castiel has turned and began to walk away so Rachel follows determined to find an answer to her queries. Castiel has killed angels before, Rachel has as well but this time was different. When they had killed other angels it was merely for self defence.  Castiel killing Ridya had been cruel and unnecessary things Rachel didn’t think she’d associate with Castiel.

“Brother please...this isn’t like you.”

Castiel turns around so quickly Rachel has to force herself to stop or she would have collided into him.

“We are fighting a war Rachel! I have to do certain regrettable things – they are needed in order for us to win. You are my lieu-tenant, so you must chose now. Are you to stand beside me...”

Castiel’s eyes flicker over to Ridya’s body, Rachel’s follow.

“Or not?”  Castiel finishes raising a brow in question.

They stare at each other for an incomprehensible amount of time. Castiel has shown Rachel a new way of life, has protected her during battle and put his trust in her.  He is bound to change, she cannot be angry at him for that because she too has changed. If you had told her a year ago that she would be capable of making her own decisions she would have claimed blasphemy but now she sees the positivity that comes with such freedom and if they have to fight for it then so be it.

Castiel’s eyes flicker for a moment, his brow furrowing and Rachel instantly realises what is happening.  Someone is praying for him. Rachel listens in on the prayer and grimaces at Dean’s choice of words. He’s a vile human being in her opinion – rude, obnoxious, ungrateful and a thousand other things she doesn’t care to mention. But he is Castiel’s friend therefore an ally of hers.

“I must go.” Castiel informs his voice gravely and tired.

“Let me.” Rachel offers.

“As your lieu-tenant I see it’s fit for me to complete tasks which will aid you during the war.”

Castiel smiles warmly at her, Rachel reciprocates.

“Thank you.” Castiel genuinely says before his sister flies away to attend to Dean.

Her conversation with the Winchesters and Bobby Singer is barely civil and she begins to wonder how Castiel can stand to be around them. They clearly use him and it’s painful to see the vast amount of admiration Castiel holds for them. They seem to completely dismiss the fact that he is currently fighting a war.  But she does as Castiel asked and returns to Heaven not because she’s one of Castiel’s soldiers but because she’s his friend.

When Castiel returns he looks withdrawn but his body is relaxed and he smells of Sam Winchester.

When she asks Castiel what their next plan of action is regarding the war he informs her he will be otherwise preoccupied for several days as he needs to aid the Winchesters in retrieving a weapon they believe they can use against the mother of all. The war is the last thing on Castiel’s mind.

It’s at this point that Rachel decides she doesn’t trust the Winchesters or the effect they have on Castiel.

/

Rachel’s boots scuff over the grey pebbles of the beach she’s flown to.  The ocean is violent today the waves crashing and the winds roaring. The salty aroma in the air clears her head slightly but still she finds she cannot ignore the negative thoughts that have been conjured there.  

For over a year she has spent her time running and hiding and killing and she’s tired of being lied to.  It doesn’t take a genius to know Castiel is hiding something but she doesn’t know what.

There’s times when he’ll disappear for hours but he’s not with the Winchesters and when he does return to Heaven he’s always extremely agitated and has the lingering scent of sulphur on him. And it means something Rachel knows it does but she’s incredibly reluctant to find out what because if her suspicions are right she will have to kill her friend.  But then she has to question what matters more - how she feels or the lives of over seven billion innocent people.

The angel feels an invisible tether pull at her grace – someone is summoning her – an angel she realises once she hears their voice ringing through her head. Tabbris she recognises is the one who is calling her. He too is in Castiel’s army.  Rachel closes her eyes and surrenders her wings to the wind she flies through time and space at the speed of light until she is stood in a dilapidated warehouse, various boxes and glass strewn across the floor.

“Tabbris.” Rachel greets the other angel with a warm smile.

Tabbrisi’s acknowledgement is grave. “Rachel.”

“What the matter?” Rachel asks.

Tabbrisi’s vessel is male, an olive coloured man in his late thirties. He’s a recovering alcoholic in real life, a divorced lonely man who was about to be kicked out of his council flat before Tabbris took him as a vessel.

Tabbris looks apprehensive for a moment his fingers flexing slightly.

“I returned to the forest once you and Castiel had left.”

Rachel’s heart sinks; if Tabbris did indeed return to the forest then he must have seen Ridya’s body.

“I took the liberty of burying Ridya’s vessel.”  Tabbris informs his voice holding hints of accusation as if Rachel should have done that herself.  Rachel says nothing and as a result Tabbris continues.

 “I’ve come to let you know I’ll be leaving Heaven.”

“What do you mean leaving?” Rachel asks clearly alarmed.

“Myself and several of the angels are taking salvation on Earth we no longer wish to be a part of this war.”

“You’re abandoning us!” Rachel shouts, the ground quaking with her words.

Tabbris lifts his shoulders slowly, the beginnings of a shrug he doesn’t quite finish.

“I cannot follow someone I don’t trust.” The angel explains.

“Castiel?” The blonde asks to which Tabbris confirms with a nod of his head.

“What makes you believe he is so untrustworthy?”

“His alliance with demons.”

Rachel scoffs a fairly disgusting sound she notes before she shakes her head disapprovingly at her brother.  

“That’s the most absurd statement I’ve ever heard.”  Rachel says in anger.

Even as she says the words she feels a burning heat of uncertainty flare up through her chest. She’s seen the signs herself, Castiel’s suspicious behaviour, the smell of sulphur. But it isn’t true. It can’t be. What could he possibly gain by working with demons?  Their lower beings, their flawed calamitous creatures that’ll turn their backs on you the moment it’s convenient for them.  Castiel of all angels knows this; no matter how much Raphael threatens them Castiel wouldn’t resort to working with demons.

Tabbris holds up his hands almost in a surrendering position.

“I’m not here to argue with you. Just look at the facts Rachel. Castiel has aided the Winchester’s in eradicating some of Heavens most powerful angels. He helped them avert the apocalypse. He _fell_ for humans, he broke all the rules. He is not above working with demons.”  

Rachel looks down and as her eyes flutter closed she feels her heart sinking with it. This is the worst pain she’s ever experienced. Even before she has confirmation, her suspicions are high and the fact that she has reason to question at all is painful.

When she opens her eyes Tabbris is gone.

Noticing the summoning herbs on a table to her left Rachel slowly walks towards it, after all she has her own ritual to perform.

/

The first thing Castiel realises once he answers his summoning is that he is alone. The herbs for the ritual are still burning slightly, the aroma of lavender and ash wafting through the air. The telltale sign of wings sound and with a frown Castiel turns around.

“We need to talk.”

“You summoned me here?” Cas asks with disbelief. Why Rachel chose to contact him via a summoning ritual and not their telepathic connection he does not know but already he can sense something is wrong.

“Castiel, I’ve been hearing things. Things I don’t want to believe.” But she does believe them, she wishes she didn’t but Cas can tell by the look in her eyes that she does.

“Just tell me if it’s true.” His companion begs.

“If what’s true?”  Castiel frowns lightly hoping that Rachel will buy into his facade but unlike the Winchesters she is harder to fool.

Rachel’s voice quivers along with her next words and for once Castiel doesn’t want to lie. He’s not sure if he can anymore, the secrecy and deception is exhausting.  He tries to reason with her, to make her see it from his point of view because once she does she’ll realise that working with Crowley may not necessarily be the right thing to do but it’s the only option they have if they want to defeat Raphael.  Castiel doesn’t entirely believe his own words and it would seem neither does Rachel because she lunges at him with a sword in hand.

As ever Rachel is beautiful, fast and graceful during battle.  She manipulates her vessel’s body as if it is her own but she fights with indecision. She still cares for her brother and that is what causes her downfall. She fights but subconsciously she doesn’t give her all because deep down she wishes she didn’t have to fight. Rachel’s hand is locked in Cas’s hair the other gripping her sword and for a few seconds she has a clear shot of Castiel but she falters and that’s all the opportunity Castiel needs. With a guttural pained yell he leans forward and grabs her arm, pulling her body towards his, Castiel spins Rachel around and watches as he kills his sister with her own blade.

Rachel feared her brother was working with demons what she feared more however was that he was losing his morals. It became easier and easier for him to kill his brothers and sisters without regret in his eyes. For the first time in a long time there’s regret in Castiel’s eyes except Rachel isn’t there to see it.

Castiel’s been stabbed before. He’s been shot before. He’s been beaten until his vessel is black and blue, bones cracked, muscles torn and skin exuding thick amounts of blood. The hits, stabs and shootings caused pain but it was miniscule, a nuisance at the most but now... well now Castiel cannot even begin to describe the pain coursing through his body.

A flush breaks out over his skin as his hand hovers over his stab wound. The brief struggle he had with Rachel had shimmied the angel blade upwards until the steel finish had grazed against the curve of his lungs, the knife slicing through his skin quickly and precisely.  

Castiel’s grace shines out of him as a beam of pure energy. His thoughts are a muddle but he has enough sense to realise he has to leave the warehouse as soon as possible.  He stretches his senses as far as he can considering he’s weakened except he cannot hear any of his brothers and sisters, his army is silent to him, with a grimace he realises that no their not silent to him their cut off from him.  He has no angelic allies; he just killed the last one willing to fight for him. But sooner or later his fellow comrades will come searching for Rachel he knows that for a fact and once they find her rotting vessel they’ll want revenge for her death. Castiel needs to hide expect he cannot think of anyone he trusts enough to harbour him until he’s up to full strength.

It’s so easy to want to give up when Castiel looks down at Rachel’s body but as his heavy set eyes run over the wings encrusted onto the floor he realises how many more bodies would join hers if Raphael were to win. Angel and humans alike. Innocent humans, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, uncles, and aunties - the list is endless. Humans like Sam, Dean and Bobby. Bobby.  Castiel’s thought process is slow but it’s still working well enough.  He realises he can go to Bobby’s, the older hunter trusts him and will have no qualms about Castiel remaining at his house until he recovers.  

With a hazy self confirmative nod Castiel allows his wings to uncurl from his back before he drops into space. His wings are uncoordinated, the marginal coverts twitching in pain. His vessel begins to shake half way through the flight but Castiel pushes himself through it forcing himself to fly faster until he’s hovering over Bobby’s kitchen. The relief it brings is vast and not concentrating fully on keeping himself afloat Castiel allows himself to crash land to the floor, the collision jostling his wound.

He hears Bobby’s startled shout but the only thing Castiel can concentrate on is hiding his location. He blindingly stabs his fingers into his knife wound collecting blood so he can smear it across the refrigerator.  He struggles to draw the symbol but the moment it’s done he ambles to his feet.

“Cas? Are we running or fighting?”

Castiel fully intends to answer Bobby but he finds that he can’t.  His words fail him and his limbs follow. As he falls forward his eyes shut and Castiel succumbs to sleep.

/

Castiel is old. He’s not the oldest of his siblings in fact he’s one of the youngest but in comparison to other creatures he’s ancient. He’s seen almost everything the world can offer from the golden sand granules of Egypt to the squalid waters of Venice.  He’s seen evolution, witnessed the first sin of man, was present for one apocalypse and the aversion of another. Castiel is old but more often than not he sees things from a child’s perspective. Some would say he’s close minded, he would tell you he’s being practical.

Castiel finds himself in one of his most vivid memories. It’s a snow day on the Seventh of July, 1926. He remembers this well himself and Anna watched over a small family situated in the heart of London. The Thorpe family, if he recalls correctly, their mother Rebecca had just given birth to their first child though the child birth had left Rebecca weakened and bleeding. The angels had watched on as Rebecca lay on her bed, watched as her skin turned clammy with sweat and the blood caking the bed covers coagulated.  

Humans experienced many emotions before they died – denial, anger, anguish. The angels didn’t see any of these things in Rebecca’s face. She looked content even as she held her little girl in her arms; the little flailing pink blood covered human being that it was.  Castiel didn’t understand it until he did. The amount of devotion and love Rebecca expressed was boundless, she was about to die but she didn’t fear it. She had come to peace with the fact that the ending of her life meant the beginning of her daughters.  Rebecca’s husband had settled onto the bed beside his wife and daughter and held them close. With Rebecca’s last breath came the first snowflake.  Her husband had detested snow ever since.

“I remember this.” The voice startles Castiel, his body jolts slightly before he turns to the side. The first thing he sees is fiery red hair that’s slightly curled at the bottom. But it isn’t the hair that alerts him as to who this person is it’s their aura. The figure reverberates sparks of power but beneath it there’s sincerity and hope.

“Anna.” Castiel says but even as he does he knows this must be some sort of dream because Anna’s dead.  “How are you-“Castiel begins.

“It doesn’t matter.” Anna interrupts.

“Am I dead?” Castiel asks.

Anna exhales softly through her nose as a smile curves over her lips, almost as if she’s amused by Castiel’s words.

“No.” She simply replies.

“Then what is this place?” Castiel asks, Anna does nothing more than angle her body towards the trees to the side of Rebecca’s house.  The snows falling heavier now, the flakes slowly drifting through the air to blanket the ground.

“Walk with me.”

Castiel can do nothing but walk with her. He has no idea where he is. For a moment he was sure he was just replaying the memory of Rebecca in his head but this isn’t how the entire memory happened.

“Do you remember the first order you were issued?” Anna questions, her boots crunching into the ground.

“Of course. I was ordered to watch over the evolution of certain creatures, I had to ensure nothing affected their development.”

Anna nods seemingly satisfied by what she hears.

“You were so different then.” She states.

Castiel’s face looks guarded for a moment.

“We all were.” The angel replies, his eyes on the snowflakes that fall into Anna’s hair only to dissolve moments later.

“Do you prefer the person you are now?” Anna asks as she turns and looks Castiel in the eye.

Castiel quirks a brow. “Is this an interrogation?”

The redhead blinks. “You never used to be this suspicious of everything. It’s just a conversation Castiel.” Anna assures though Cas isn’t even sure if this is his sister. She died a long time ago he knows this for a fact Michael had burned her up, body and grace. But he cannot remember how he got here, his only lead is Anna so whatever this is he has to go along with it.

“Fine.” Castiel concludes. “If I answer your questions, you answer mine.”

“Seems fair to me.” Anna replies that same easiness on her face that she’s always had.  

“I have changed yes, though I believe it is for the better.”

Anna gives Castiel a disbelieving look but before she can ask another question he asks one of his own.

“Where am I?”

“This is your memory Castiel, as for me I’m simply a figment of your imagination.”

“How am I here?”

 “So impatient Castiel. The answers there you just need to see it.”

Castiel’s confused but he tries to think back. What was he doing before he appeared in this memory? Flashes of swords and wings enter his mind, then his voice his true voice keening in pain, his grace bleeding from his chest, that moment of panic when he thought he wasn’t going to make it then the crash landing he had in Bobby’s house.

Castiel brings a hand up to his chest.

“I was injured...Rachel...Bobby...I must have passed out.”

Anna confirms her brother’s words with a nod of her head before she stares at him, her eyes analyzing.

“You killed your friend.”

“It was unavoidable.”

The answer is so abrupt it seems as if Castiel’s thought about it, has trained himself to fire these replies out even if they are lies.

“Your ability to lie so easily is disturbing Castiel.”  Castiel frowns; he doesn’t have the time nor the patience for this. Anna cannot even begin to comprehend the amount of stress Castiel is under. She has no idea how many people he has to save.  The weight of his responsibilities is unbearable yet Castiel has never stopped in his mission to save the world and his friends.  She has no right to judge him.  It’s infuriating the way she’s indirectly insulting him and the choices he’s made. It seems her purpose in being here is to make Cas revaluate his decisions but her presence has done the exact opposite.

 “You’re opinion is irrelevant, you know nothing of the situation I’m in.”

“What about the Winchesters?”

“This has nothing to do with them.” Castiel denies.

“Doesn’t it? Dean and Sam were the ones who showed you freedom and freewill. I don’t think they’d agree with the way you’ve chosen to use it.”

Castiel finds he cannot reply.

“If you think Raphael intends to damn the world, the destruction you will cause to it will be far superior if you open Purgatory. You’re vessel wasn’t designed to hold extra souls. Think about all the lives your endangering.”

“They will find salvation in heaven.”

 “Since when is that relevant Castiel, once upon a time the loss of human lives would have affected you.”

“I’m not weak anymore.”

Anna shakes her head.

“Oh brother you have no idea how weak you have become. You’re hiding behind promises of saving the world and speeches of free will. You’re deluding yourself and betraying those who are closest to you. This will not end well Castiel.”

“Maybe...maybe not. Either way there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”  Castiel coldly tells this imitation of his sister.

Anna’s arm flexes slightly as an angel blade slides down the inside of her coat sleeve until she’s holding it in her hand.  Cas’s body freezes his fingers immediately going to grasp his own except it isn’t there.  Something akin to fear shoots through Castiel but that fear makes way to confusion when Anna holds out the blade for him to take.

“What are you doing?” Castiel suspiciously asks.

“If you want to wake up from this place you have to kill me.”

“What?”

“Come now, what’s the life of one unimportant angel.” Anna’s voice is calm mundane, giving away nothing.

She isn’t real, Castiel reminds himself before he speaks. “I have to wake up. If I do not Raphael will restart the Apocalypse.”

Anna nods though it doesn’t seem like she agrees.  Her eyes water with disappointment, a sad but accepting smile on her face.

“It’s the life of one person against the lives of billions.” Anna comments and Castiel belatedly realises it’s a thought he’s had many times.

He takes the blade and kills his sister but somehow when he opens his eyes and sees Bobby’s face he can’t help but to think he did the wrong thing.

/

Sam’s taking the bed in Bobby’s spare room today. He usually takes the sofa but they’ve decided to rest up in preparation of taking the fight to Eve. She’s by far the most troublesome enemy they’ve had the dissatisfaction of facing.  

Bobby gave Sam the low down on what happened whiles they were in Wyoming and it worries him to think Castiel came so close to dying.  Worries him that Castiel had grace pouring out of him, the angel’s essence a bright blinding light of brilliance.

Castiel appears beside Sam on the bed. He doesn’t say anything whiles Sam removes his shirt or even when Sam’s fingers brush over the place where hours ago Rachel had stabbed him. The wound is healed now, stitched back together in a sequence of blood, muscle and flesh.  

“Here?” The hunter gently whispers, his lips resting beneath Castiel’s pectoral.

The angels hand runs through Sam’s hair as he nods faintly.

Sam grimaces slightly as he caresses the place that could have caused Castiel’s debacle. He leans back as he moves up, laying his body over Castiel’s.

“Did it hurt?” Sam cautiously asks.

“Like salt to an open wound.”  Cas compares and Sam winces in sympathy.

“Can I ask you something?” Castiel asks after a moment.

“Sure.”

“When you dream, how much of it do you take into consideration regarding your everyday life?”  

Sam frowns in thought. “How do you mean?”

Castiel shakes his head before starting again.

“Do you think dreams are a reliable source of information?”  The angel questions his tone fluctuating between curiosity and impatience.

Sam shakes his head. “I think most dreams are created by random parts of our subconscious being strung together. I don’t necessarily think they mean anything. Why’d you ask?”

Flashes of Anna’s resigned disappointed face and an angel blade cross Cas’s mind. He shakes his head. “No reason.”

/

When Sam falls asleep Castiel silently teleports to the kitchen in Bobby’s house to see Dean is there alone.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greets and smiles despite himself when Dean jumps.

“I’m never gonna get used to that.” Dean mumbles as he gets up from the dining table chair and at the same time swallows the remainder of the whiskey he’d earlier poured into a glass.  He picks up the bottle from the counter before waving it at Castiel.

“Want some?” The hunter offers to which Castiel declines with a shake of his head.

“You know I remember a time when you were downing pints and out drinking Ellen.” Dean reminisces as he turns to Cas with a small smile.

“Things have changed.” Castiel simply states to which Dean’s smile drops.

“Yeah... I suppose they have.” Dean quietly replies.

 “Why are you here?” Dean asks as he takes a seat, crosses his legs at the ankles and takes a sip from his drink.  The hunter’s eyes flicker over to the laptop which Castiel only realises now that Dean was looking at before he appeared.  Castiel’s eyes follow Dean’s vision until they rest on the picture on the laptop screen.  Cas finds himself looking at a picture of Ben, Lisa and Dean. For as long as Cas has known Dean he’s never seen him smile as he is in the photo.  Dean’s arm is wound around Lisa’s waist, her hand bent backwards slightly enabling her to link her fingers through Dean’s.  Ben is sitting between them; his smile all large teeth and stretched cheekbones.  They look perfect.

“You miss them.” Castiel quietly affirms.

Dean shuts the laptop with a large snap.

“Cas...” Dean begins his voice exasperated.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of Dean.”

Dean snorts before he looks to Cas and the look in his eyes can only be described as melancholy.

“There’s no point in missing them. They want nothing to do with me – Lisa told me as such.”

“Fear can make people say things –things they don’t mean. You shouldn’t give up on hem so easily Dean.”

“They gave up on me.” Dean snaps before he takes a deep breath.

“Even if... even if Lisa wanted me back in her life I couldn’t do it. I bring nothing but pain. I thought I had gotten out of this life but the whole mess with this Eve bitch happened and as long as there’s threats to me I can’t go back to them.”

Castiel looks contemplative. “If Eve was no longer a problem.” He starts only to be interrupted by Dean.

“Then we got Raphael on our ass.”

“If Eve and Raphael were to both be neutralised would you go back to Lisa and Ben? Would you be happy?”

The very idea of being able to be happy with them relaxes Dean’s form; his eyes take on a distant look as his hand loosens around his glass. The amount of longing emanating from Dean is painful to witness. Dean doesn’t need to speak, Castiel already knows his answer and already Cas knows his next move.  He has to destroy Raphael and in order to do that he needs Eve so that they can open Purgatory. He will do whatever it takes. Not just for Heaven and earth’s sake but for Dean’s.   

Dean looks down and when he looks up again Castiel is gone.

The hunter sighs before pouring himself another drink.

/

Castiel has never been more sure of his task as he is now.  Witnessing the sacrifices Dean’s continued to make had been the last straw. The hunter is exhausted in every sense of the word yet he hasn’t stopped – won’t stop and Castiel can’t help but to admire him but the angel also can’t help but to pity him – anyone with a conscience would.

Castiel teleports to the warehouse Crowley has been using to torture the creatures that came from Purgatory. The agonised yells coming from the monsters remind him of the rack down in hell – the torture being inflicted upon the creatures of purgatory is unforgiving and brutal traits that match the torturer perfectly.

The angel steps over blood, organs and bodily fluids each carrying a stench worse than the other before he walks through a set of double doors. He enters in time to see Crowley slice a machete through the air, taking the Rougarou’s head clean off.  The angel steps back enough to avoid blood splattering onto his clothes.

“Oh good your home, I thought you had forgotten its Chilli Tuesday.”  Crowley speaks his voice holding its usual gruffness.  Why he has to fake these pleasantries Castiel does not know, it would be much simpler if they could get down to business.

“You killed another one.” Castiel states as he walks towards the desk beside him, observing the various cutting utensils on top of it.

“What can I say, I’m a sadist.”  Cas thinks it’s the first time he’s heard a demon be honest.

“Your methods are clearly not working.” The angel states.

“My methods?” Crowley replies as he grabs a white cloth in order to wipe off his machete.

“You’ve killed and tortured over one hundred creatures and still we have not received the information that we need.” Castiel declares as he turns to face his companion.

“There’s only so much I can do angel. Maybe if we had some of your wonder boy powers pushing these blasted creatures around they might just be a little more inclined to tell us where their slut of a mother is.”  

Castiel glares at Crowley. The fact that a demon has the gall to talk to an angel as Crowley is is unbelievable at best.

“I will not lower myself to commit an act of torture upon anybody. I will go and see if Sam and Dean have any leads on Eve.” Castiel turns to leave but doesn’t miss the intentional comment Crowley makes about Dean having tortured countless more souls then Crowley ever has. The comment brings bile to Cas’s throat.

He flies away before he reaches the warehouse door and ends up catching the Winchester’s mid conversation.

“-the dudes busy.”

Dean spins around to face Castiel, his heavy boots clunking against the ground.

 “Cas get out of my ass!”

/


	5. 5

The first time Castiel truly experienced the power of a soul was the first time he grasped Dean’s in hell. It repelled against his grace, the torture addled thing detesting anything remotely good and pure but Castiel had held tight had gripped him with such force his mark bared upon Dean’s skin.  

He’s touched many souls since then souls of the old and the young, souls of humans and creatures but nothing has felt as pure as Dean’s. Castiel thinks that Dean’s had felt so raw to him because he knows Dean personally, knows every inch of his soul intimately. As Castiel’s fist punctures through Eve’s lacky who’s name he hadn’t even bothered to learn he is once again repelled but unlike with Dean Castiel doesn’t cradle and comfort the soul, he tears it apart - figuratively, in actuality what he’s tearing apart is this monsters head. He’d forgotten the strength his vessel bares when his grace isn’t at its full capacity.  

Warm blood curls over Castiel’s palm, the crimson liquid imbedding itself into his cuticles and still he continues, feels thick muscle strain beneath the rough pads of his fingers.  

“Okay, okay.” The creature breathlessly wheezes out voice too strained from his screaming to do much else.

“My mother’s on 34th street, a place called Ervin’s diner.” The creature gasps wetly, voice wavering as he continues to talk. “There’s no use, you can’t win, she knows your coming, she see’s everything through us.”

Castiel smiles cruelly.

“Then I best not disappoint her.”

When he’s finished, his hands are painted a deep red and the sounds of pained screams echo within his ears.  

_“I will not lower myself to commit an act of torture upon anybody. “_ Castiel forgets his own words as simply as he does his morals.

He still feels a pressuring ache against his dulled grace but that won’t deter him, he’s lived without it before and he can temporarily do without it again. Sam and Dean arrive within the next couple of minutes getting the weapons packed and ready to go once Castiel tells them of Eve’s location.

Castiel swops the bullet with the phoenix ash for a regular one; if Dean was correct in his assumption that the phoenix ash would kill Eve he couldn’t let them use it. Castiel needed her alive – he needed her in able to open Purgatory.

Cas waits outside the diner like they asked, skin itching and fingers twitching around his shotgun.  He can’t sense anything and his hearts drumming within his chest when the shutters on the windows of the diner snap shut.  Castiel marches forward, ignores Bobby yelling after him.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“Their obviously in trouble, we need to get in there.” Castiel says without turning around.

Castiel’s eyes scan over the diner trying to find a way in whilst remaining inconspicuous, that would have been an easy task if the diner wasn’t infested with monsters.

“You’re coming with us.” A voice says. Both Bobby and Cas turn around and come face to face with a small group of who Castiel assumes are Eve’s children. 

Castiel drops his weapon to the floor in a show of surrender but in reality the monsters have just helped them find the perfect way in.

Cas turns to Bobby, eyeing him and attempting to silently communicate with the older hunter, to tell him to desert his weapon. Bobby looks reluctant, unable to give up the only defence they have, that problem is soon solved when one of the monster’s snatches away Bobby’s gun and breaks it in half against their knee.

“Son of a bitch.” Bobby grouches to which the creatures all smirk.

“Our mother will see you now.” One of them says eyeing Castiel like he’s something the monster would just love to pick apart.

Their roughly shoved through the diner’s back door, Castiel close to tripping over his own feet when one of Eve’s monsters pushes him forward.

He eyes first Dean then Sam, gaze lingering on the younger Winchester. Sam shrugs slightly, jaw tense and body on edge.

Eve steps towards him and a hate Castiel didn’t think he was capable of possessing overflows him.  

“And you – wondering why so flaccid? I’m older than you Castiel; I know what makes angels tick. As long as I’m around consider yourself...unplugged.”

The thoughts not a comforting one, if Eve can affect him like this there’s no telling what she could do to Crowley, what she could do to Castiel’s army. If they do manage to capture her will they even have enough fire power to hold her down? Will they even be able to get her to tell them where Purgatory is?

She struts towards Sam and Dean so self assured and confident. She moves fast, she’s faster than Castiel is. Her body a blur as she appears behind Dean, talon like hands digging into Dean’s shoulders as she threatens him.

“Don’t test me.”

“Bite me.” Dean replies, a tremble of anger to his voice.

Castiel struggles to gather his strength, to stretch out to the dormant grace he can feel is eager to return to him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, he’d never come across a creature like Eve, if she turned Dean and Castiel had done nothing to stop it he would never forgive himself.  He struggles against the arms holding him down, stomach turning nauseous when he hears Sam’s worried shout when the mother’s teeth bite unforgivingly into Dean’s neck.

Eve backs away, hacking up violent coughs as Dean’s blood trickles down her chin.

“Phoenix ash – one shell, one ounce of whiskey – down the hatch. Little musty on the after burn.” Dean coyly says, hand pressed against his bleeding neck.  

Castiel hears the words but his eyes are entirely focused on Eve and how her face has begun to distort, her soul blinking white beneath her vessel. Blackness creeps up her forehead before veining out over her face. With each of her laboured breaths Castiel feels his powers returning, shooting through his body like an electric live wire.

Everyone holds their breath, and everything slows. The moment Eve falls to the floor Castiel’s grace is restored, he pushes the monster hybrid away from him with ease before he moves his grace through his body and towards his hand. Rekindling with his power has never been such a blessing, the monsters crumble beneath his grace and though it’s over in a flash he feels each and every one of their souls explode beneath his power.

He can feel Sam’s eyes on him, even after he’s healed Dean. It makes Cas feel uneasy so he keeps his eyes away from Sam’s as he transports them away.  The moment they arrive at Ryan’s uncle’s house he can feel the lingering presence of some of Crowley’s best demons.  There were times where Crowley seemed completely untrustworthy but then there were others like now when he’d prove true to his word and help Castiel when the angel needed it. For a moment Cas considers his sanity because there’s a small part of him that feels grateful towards Crowley. If he hadn’t of ordered his demons to destroy the monster hybrids a lot of people could have died, a lot of people would no longer be human.

“So you think she was telling the truth?” Sam asks, interest peaked Cas turns to him.

“Truth about what?”

“She said that Crowley’s still kicking.” Dean explains and Castiel has to force away a rush of panic before putting on a masked frown of confusion.

“But I burned his bones, how could - Is she certain?” Cas queries, briefly wondering when it became so _easy_ to lie.

“Sounded pretty sure- according to her Crowley’s still water boarding her kids – somewhere.”

“I don’t understand.” Castiel says, the angel damning the connection she had with her children. She must have seen Crowley torturing them through their eyes.

“Well he’s a crafty son of a bitch.

“I’m an angel; I’ll look into it immediately.”

Castiel leaves quickly - if the Winchesters believe Crowley is still alive they’ll go after him and a more troubling thought is that Crowley will let them. The demon has no qualms about killing them, he’s told Castiel as much. He has to protect them by any means necessary even if it means he has to lie to them.

He meets Crowley at the diner and a moment later their surrounded by demon’s each one of them slowly dragging the monster hybrids out of the diner, mostly likely to dispose of their bodies.

Crowley steps behind the diner’s counter before lifting up a coffee jug. “Thirsty?” He asks and Cas frowns.

“Yeah your right, it’s probably not even filtered.” The demon says grimacing lightly at the coffee before putting it down.

“Why the sour face we got what we wanted.”Crowley says as Castiel stands stiffly.

“We wanted Purgatory, we don’t have it.”

“But we will.” Crowley assures before rolling his eyes when Cas does nothing but frown. Crowley transports himself over to Eve before lightly kicking at her shoulder.

“Do me a favour Castiel. Call me when you get that stick out of your ass.” Crowley jibes then both him and Eve are gone.

/

There were a lot of things Castiel didn’t expect to come out of his life. First of all he didn’t expect to die and be resurrected countless times. He also didn’t expect to be bombarded with emotions he couldn’t control. But out of all of Castiel’s life experiences this is what he expected to happen to him the least.

He’s surrounded by a ring of holy fire and looking at him are Sam, Dean and Bobby and the amount of betrayal emanating from them is overwhelming. Castiel has never hated the powers he was granted with but right now he does because all he can feel is how disappointed the Winchesters and Bobby Singer are with him and he doesn’t know what to do.

He isn’t entirely sure of all the words he says because he’s horror stricken on how he managed to mess things up this badly.

Outside the winds blowing madly and Castiel realises soon that it isn’t wind, its demons.

He screams at his friends to run and tries to keep his tears at bay when Dean turns to stare at him.

The demons crush against the windows of the small house blocking out all light and Castiel isn’t sure what to feel when Crowley douses out the fire surrounding him. The only thing he wants is for someone else to feel his pain.

“You know the difference between you and me Castiel? I know what I am. But what are you? And what exactly are you willing to do?”

Crowley’s words sting and for a moment Castiel does ponder what he is. Because right now he definitely can’t be considered a warrior of god because a true warrior of god would not work with a demon. Is he just like Lucifer? A tainted, twisted portrayal of an angel who believes everything he does is right and just?

Castiel doesn’t know what he is but he does know what he _needs_ so with one last look at the water stained circle on the floor he flees.   

/

The night is cold or maybe it’s just Sam. Everything about him feels cold, his skin, his blood, his insides, his _soul._

He can’t begin to understand his feelings so he’s not even sure how Dean can claim to understand how Sam feels.  Sam can’t fathom the amount of betrayal he feels because this is Cas their talking about.  He’s their friend. He’s more to Sam and yet beneath those painfully large eyes and that soft pallid flesh lay lies and secrecy and the whole thing is so fucked up it leaves Sam’s body aching.

It’s not right that you can trust someone so undeniably and have it thrown back in your face. But these are Sam’s emotions revolving their relationship bleeding through. When Sam thinks about the facts he knows Castiel isn’t evil because Cas is powerful and if he wanted to kill them he could have. He’s had plenty of opportunities. Castiel doesn’t want to destroy them as many of their enemies have; he simply wants to make their world a better place. The only thing he doesn’t realise is that he’s going the wrong way about it.  When it comes down to it it’s not so much the choices he’s made but the ones he’s continued to make. He chose to lie to Sam over and over again, sometimes it seems without regret but Sam knows him better than that. The hunter saw the pain and confusion in the angel’s eyes when they trapped him in that ring of holy fire.  

Sam sighs from where he stands in Bobby’s house in the upstairs corridor. He presses his forehead against the wall and grits his teeth. His head is throbbing and once in a while he catches glimpses of red, he’s not sure where its coming from all he knows is that when that flash of colour appears he feels _wrong._  He shakes his head against the wall his uncut nails digging into his palms as he tries to steady himself.

All he can think about is Castiel and how the angel looked well and truly hopeless once he’d admitted to raising Sam from perdition.  Sam dreads to think about it because somewhere deep down inside of him he wonders if Castiel did bring him back soulless on purpose because he didn’t exactly make an effort to retrieve Sam’s soul and when Dean tried to retrieve it Castiel claimed it would be too dangerous to try such a thing. How could Castiel continue to talk to them let alone touch Sam when he was holding secrets such as that?

There’s too much emotion and too much blame and too many what if’s? For a brief moment Sam contemplates that maybe they’ll have to kill Castiel. The thought brings a rush of mourning.

Sam begins to wonder about hypocrisy. He’s lied, he’s cheated, he’s betrayed. So has Dean. Is it right for them to be so angry at Castiel for doing exactly as they’ve done?  Under the right circumstances everyone’s capable of murder. Under the right circumstances everyone’s capable of lying and deceiving.  Sam thinks that maybe just maybe the coming of a second apocalypse is circumstance enough.

Soft wings flutter from behind Sam and with a jolt of adrenalin he spins around grabs Castiel by the forearm and shoulder and pushes the angel against the wall he was just leaning against. The movements make Sam pause for a moment because Castiel _let_ Sam move him.  The angel is a thousand times more powerful than the hunter and could easily have remained standing where he was.

“Sam.” Castiel breathes his arm twitching from where Sam holds it.

“Nothing you say will make this right.”  The hunter cuts in because at the moment that’s exactly what it feels like.

Castiel looks utterly guilty for a moment before he looks straight into Sam’s eyes with a hard sense of determination.

“Please, try to understand...”  

Before Cas can continue Sam snaps his arms away from the angel.

“You’ve got five minutes.” Sam pre warns.

Castiel nods then swallows heavily before he begins his story.

/

Raphael folded one leg over the other as she sat in a dark green leather lounge chair. Her vessels legs were slender and her body graceful but beneath the surface rested a wrathful angel.

Raphael inclined her head to an angel standing beside her, he rushed forward in order to open the glass panelled doors before them.

A frazzled looking young brunette ambled through, his short tresses falling into his eyes. He was dressed in a cheap grey suit which was rumpled and appeared to have one button missing from the bottom of the suit jacket.  His pale brown eyes were rotund and seemed to hold a sheen of naivety.

“Adriel.” Raphael greets the grey suited angel before she nods tersely.

“R..Raphael.” Adriel replies, the angel breathless as if he had just run a marathon.

“You have news.”  It’s not a question, Raphael’s expectant and Adriel would be a fool to disappoint.

“Yes. Castiel is currently resounding on Earth, we cannot be sure of his location as he has gone to great lengths to cover it up. However we have managed to locate a supposed close acquaintance of his – a demon named Crowley. There have been whispers that they are working together.”

“It seems likely. I know our brother and if he’s as desperate as I know he is he’d do anything to try and beat me.”  Raphael intoned a satisfied smugness to her voice.

She turned to the angel that had opened the doors.

“Sestrian – ready the others. We shall go to Earth and see exactly how much this _Crowley_ knows about Castiel’s little plan.”

“Of course Raphael.” Sestrian answered but before he could fly to gather the other angels Adriel spoke up.

“Raphael don’t you think this has gone too far. Castiel is our _brother_.” Though Adriel’s head was bowed with obvious anxiousness his words were forceful and made his brothers and sisters surrounding him stop for a moment.

Adriel couldn’t help but to think that along the way from God’s disappearance to the apocalypse being averted that they had all forgotten what it was to be a family. He was so tired of the fighting. He thought Raphael wanted paradise, but the Apocalypse had been adverted so they couldn’t truly get it. But what they had now was as close as it was going to get. It was more of the same as it had been for the past two thousand years. Evil was still being banished and people were still doing good. There were still sinners but wasn’t there always going to be? The clean up duty was Earth’s problem; the angels had no need to walk amongst humans anymore. They all should have returned to heaven long ago to fulfil the duties they had before the righteous man had broken the first seal. Why they were still trying to create their own rules thus ignoring the natural order Adriel had no idea.

“I suggest you hold your tongue before I do something regretful.”  Raphael threatens and even from her sitting position she still has a far superior vantage point than Adriel.

Adrial wills himself to relax his trembling hands and slowly- so slowly he feels the pull of his vessels muscles he lifts his head and looks Raphael dead in the eye.

“I will not.” Those are the last words Adrial speaks. Raphael flies towards him in a gust of magnificently huge wings, unsheathes her sword and thrusts it into Adrial’s stomach.

For a moment everything’s a blinding white and Adrial’s true form is present.  It’s beautiful so beautiful in fact that watching it flail and die is nothing short of a tragedy.

Raphael’s followers all jump back in shock, their eyes dropping down to ashpainted wings and the body of their brother.

Raphael sheaths her blade once again as she does a slow turn, taking her time to eye every single angel present in the room.

“Does anybody else have any objections? For if you do, I must insist you speak now.”

The silence that follows her words is deafening.         

/

“So Raphael decides to start a civil war and the best idea you can come up with is working with Crowley.” Sam says with a heavy layer of bitterness to his voice.

“At the time it seemed the most profitable option. Dean was my only living ally back then and I didn’t want to get him involved, he’d just found peace.”

“So... the problem you saw was getting Dean hunting again but me being soulless was completely fine.”  Sam’s reactions aren’t fair and he’s being patronising but he thinks it’s the least he’s allowed to do with how Castiel’s made him feel.

Castiel swallows, his Adams apple working furiously as if there’s a clump in his throat he can’t quite dispel.

“I had no idea you were soulless Sam and by the time I had figured it out so much had changed. One lie built way to another and before I knew it my entire existence was circulated around them.”

“So what I’m just supposed to forgive you?”

“No. You’re not supposed to forgive me. You’re supposed to understand me.” Castiel gently provides.

 “Dammit Cas.” The hunter pressures the words out between clenched teeth before he leans forward, his head slotting into the space between Castiel’s shoulder and neck.

“This isn’t you.” Sam says his words reverberating denial.

“People change.” Cas whispers as he inches his head towards Sam’s ear.

“Not you. You _can’t.”_  Sam’s hand fits under Castiel’s trench coat where his hand curves up the angel’s lower back. He spreads his palm and pulls Castiel’s body into his. All muscle and heat.

“Why?” Cas queries as his middle and index finger shift up under Sam’s chin and tilt it so he’s looking into the hunters eyes.

“You’re our one constant.” Castiel’s baffled by the conclusion, his expression shows as much so Sam continues.

“Through the apocalypse, the demon blood, your fall, me being soul less and this civil war you’ve been there. You’re _always_ there.  You’ve been the one solid thing in my life – in Dean’s life and the last thing I want to do is fight you.”

“Then don’t.” Cas simplifies, his blue eyes begging for Sam to accept his suggestion.

“It’s not that simple. What you’re doing.” Sam sighs. “Cas what you’re doing, it’s not right you’re opening up a door to something that’s been locked away for a reason.”

“I can handle it.”

“What like Dean handled Hell, like I handled the demon blood?”

“This is different.” Cas assures though the insecurity in his eyes prove otherwise.

The pair hear a creek from down the hall and then the electrical buzz of a bulb. The hallway light comes on and Sam pulls away from Castiel in time to catch the startled look on the angel’s face as well as the one of rage on his brothers.

Dean’s hand flicks away from the light switch whiles his other tightens around the gun he’s holding.

“How the hell did you get in here?” Is the first thing Dean asks and Sam chastises himself because he didn’t even think of that.

“The angel proofing that Bobby put up on the house – he got a couple of things wrong.” Castiel supplies as he moves away from the wall.

“Yeah well it’s too bad we gotta angel proof in the first place isn’t it?” Dean’s eyes flicker to Sam, a thousand things reflected in his green eyes. _Why didn’t you call me? You should have attacked first and asked questions later. Why is my best friend betraying me? This is so fucked up. Sammy what do I do?_

“Dean please... just hear him out.”

“Oh I think everything’s been said don’t you?” Dean replies to Sam however his eyes remain on Castiel. They look at each other for a tense moment before Castiel looks away.

“I can see it was a mistake coming here –“

“You think?” Dean sarcastically barks cutting into Castiel’s sentence, his jaw clenched tightly in order to hide the hurt that is itching to bleed through.

“I should leave.”  The angel finishes as if he didn’t hear Dean’s words.

Cas turns slightly but before he can leave Sam grips his wrist.

Dean tenses and inches forward slightly when Castiel’s eyes flicker down to the hand around his wrist, as if Dean thinks Castiel would intentionally harm Sam.  

“No stay. Look we need to talk this through.” Sam says his eyes widening in a silent plea.  Sam turns his eyes to Dean, his brothers reluctant his body language practically screams it but he relents relaxing his hold on his gun as he turns towards the stairs.

“Downstairs – we don’t wanna wake Bobby.” Dean says as he slides his gun into the back of his trousers.

Castiel’s arm easily slides out of Sam’s hold as he takes purposeful strides down the corridor and steps, Dean’s about to follow but before he can Sam crowds up to him.

“Go easy on him okay Dean? He is our friend; and he needs our help. The least we can do is hear him out.”

Dean shakes his head as he exhales a humourless smile on his face.

“You know what Sam; don’t tell me what to do. Friends don’t lie to each other. The only reason why I didn’t shoot him was because I knew it’d do no good.”

Before Sam can react to Dean’s harsh words Dean makes a quick retreat down the stairs.

He knows his brothers just hurt; Dean said a lot worse when Sam had betrayed him. But Dean forgave him – eventually. The only question was could Dean forgive Cas?

/

Sam’s always known that Dean and Cas are friends. Far better friends then he and Castiel ever were. But seeing the vulnerability in his brother’s eyes makes him wonder how good of friends they were because Dean’s never let anyone see him like this.  He wonders what Dean and Castiel did the entire time himself and Dean were separated from each other during the apocalypse because Castiel had never mentioned it; however when Sam joined them again he noticed the easiness their bodies portrayed around one another - a comfortable familiarity that came with the territory of trusting somebody utterly and completely.  

He feels invisible as he stands against the wall; even as he stands forward, Dean and Castiel do not take their eyes off of one another.

“I’m not gonna logic you okay? I’m saying don’t just cause. I’m asking you not to. That’s it.” Dean says his voice pressuring and demanding and Sam thinks that this is exactly the same way Dean used to speak to Sam when he was younger. He would undermine Sam exactly as he’s doing to Castiel now and the hunter doesn’t know how his brother can’t see what he’s doing. He needs to talk to Castiel on his level not shove demands down the angels throat and expect instant results.

“I don’t understand-.” Cas starts.

“Look next to Sam you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family – that you are like a brother to me so if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me man.”  The comment strikes Sam hard, his breath hitches gently as it properly sinks in. His brother trusts Cas, considers him family trusts him inexplicably.

Castiel’s eyes flicker up from where they were focused on the floor. “Or what?”

Dean reels back, hurt and surprise etched into his features. Sam does the same because out of any possible answers Castiel could have had that was not what Sam was expecting him to say. Believe him he knows how it feels to have someone constantly belittling you and trying to tell you what to do because Sam had to deal with it for years but Dean’s made it clear that the only reason why he’s telling Cas what to do is because he doesn’t want to fight Castiel. Dean may not have said those words exactly but it’s clear that’s what he means. He thought Castiel could read Dean as well as Sam could but apparently he can’t otherwise Castiel wouldn’t have answered so brashly.

Sam opens his mouth to break through the silence expect he doesn’t get that far. Dean schools the hurt off of his face replacing it with something angry; Sam’s almost ashamed to say the look scares him a little. Dean slowly turns his head to Castiel, his face an angry snarl.

Castiel freezes for a moment before gently reaching a hand out.

“Dean, I’m sorry.” He says as if only now just realising the venom of his words.

“Screw your apology. You know what Cas you’re just another toy that came out of the factory broken, another screwed up clog in God’s shit machine. There’s a right and a wrong here and you know it.”

Castiel’s eyes snap up to Dean and Sam suddenly thinks he’s missed something when Dean stares right on back.

You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won’t let you.

Don’t ever change.

Without your powers you’re basically just a baby in a trench coat.

For what it’s worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

This is your problem Dean, you have no faith.

There is a right and a wrong here and you know it. Look at me! You. Know.It

Sam is my friend.

You need to be more careful.

I gave everything for you.

I’m not...I’m not strong enough.

Of course you’re problems always come first.

It’s not blame that falls on you Dean.

I’ve been asking you to be here for days you dick!

I think you call him when you need something.

I’m hunted, I’ve rebelled and I did it. All of it. For you.

What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.

I want him to survive.

I have questions. I have doubts.

I lost everything. For Nothing.

My superiors have begun to questions my sympathies.

I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. 

We put our faith in you. Look at what you’re turning into.

What do you care about dying? You’re already dead. We’re done.

**We’re done.**

Castiel feels as if his world is crashing down around him. He can’t fly away fast enough.

Sam sends Dean a glare, his green eyes alight with disappointment.  The younger Winchester shakes his head before he turns to leave the living room.

“Oh come on Sam he was asking for it!”

Sam whirls around on Dean his broad shoulders tense and his blood boiling.

“No Dean. He wasn’t. We were supposed to pull him away from the edge not push him over it.”

Sam looks at Dean long enough to see the sinking realisation of exactly what Dean’s done register before he turns and stomps up the stairs.

He prays for Castiel and as he suspected he doesn’t get an answer and a sick feeling in his gut tells him he never will again.

/

Castiel flies to the East of Virginia until he’s stood in a field of a farm that was long ago abandoned. The wheat surrounding him is dead and brittle; Castiel can’t help but to notice the similarities of the wheat’s physical appearance and his emotional status.  His eyes burn with the urge to cry and suddenly Castiel realises he’s never felt so fragile.  He’s just lost the only friends he’s ever had. Castiel could handle the passing of the Winchester’s because he’d simply bring them back to life but the divide between them now is not just physical. They no longer trust him and that hurts.

It’s difficult to understand why Sam and Dean cannot see the situation from his point of view. Of course there’s risks regarding opening the doors to Purgatory but there were also risks with Sam saying yes to Lucifer.  There’s always going to be risks to take but if they didn’t take them they would have all been dead by now as well as the rest of the world. If Castiel hadn’t of taken risks beforehand then Anna would have succeeded in going back in time and killing John and Mary Winchester.  If Castiel hadn’t of taken risks Sam and Dean would both be stuck in 1861 attempting to fit into a place they clearly didn’t belong. Can risks only be executed if Sam and Dean are the ones Okaying it?

Castiel is not a fool, he’s old and wise and has far more life experience then the Winchesters; he wouldn’t attempt to open Purgatory if he wasn’t sure that his plan would work. One thing that Castiel knows for sure now is that the Winchesters will only work with him if it benefits them.

The dark sky above Castiel blurs as thick grey clouds conjoin. Thunder rumbles heavily before the scent of ozone makes itself present. Castiel freezes as his eyes quickly scan the space around him - the weather signs are enough to tell him he’s being followed by angels but he cannot be sure which ones.

Lightening cascades from the sky before striking the ground.  When the touches of lightening strike again several angels appear before the bolts of light. Castiel takes a step back almost clumsily tripping over himself as his eyes take in those around him- his ex army. Castiel has no time to do anything more then look for the next moment Tabbris appears before him and uppercuts Castiel throwing Cas up through the air, his body inches away from the lightening that still crackles through the sky.

The air whips and rushes against Castiel as he catapults upwards, another angel appears above him and punches straight into Cas’s abdomen forcing the angel back down to the ground. The landing is anything but smooth the dirty soil crumbles beneath Castiel’s back but still he sinks further into the ground until he’s lying in a hollow crater.  

Another angel – one who moves so fast Castiel cannot identify him grabs Cas by the lapels of his trench coat before throwing him out of the crater. He’s violently thrown between the angels who kick and punch at him throwing Castiel back and forth between them as if he’s no more than a sports ball.

Tabbris’s fists bunch into the fabric of Castiel’s coat before he pulls Castiel towards him.

“You killed Rachel, I found her body. How much more Castiel? How much more bloodshed and betrayal is there going to be? No more. Do you hear me brother, it all ends here. It ends with _you_.”

Castiel doesn’t fight, doesn’t have the spirit to. He’s tired and feels broken down and betrayed. The Winchesters trapped him in holy fire and barely gave him a chance to explain himself. After everything he’s given for them, given for earth and Heaven and God it’s finally too much. Castiel’s had enough. The beating he’s receiving is the only thing he can feel at the moment because inside he’s emotionally drained yet he can’t hide the fact that he still cares for the Winchesters, still considers himself their guardian still feels something for Sam he can’t quite identify but it sits warm and thick inside his chest, a constant hum of emotion that heightens every time Sam’s near him.

Castiel’s mouth is filled with a coppery sweetness which he soon identifies as blood, he slowly turns onto his side, spitting out a mouthful of blood onto the ground. He winces, breathing in a whistling sound through clenched teeth as his hand cradles his abdomen. He can feel it now – a pierced lung that’s spewing out blood.

A large expanse of lightening spirals down from the sky before shooting outwards. Castiel blinks against the brightness of it, blood pooling from the corner of his mouth.  His eyes widen at the new arrival and he grits his teeth as he attempts to push up onto his forearms.

“Balthazar.” Cas grinds out, gazing as his brother removes a shiny gem from the inside of his pocket. Castiel recognisers it as one of the weapons Balthazar had stolen from Heaven – The Gem Of Urumoire. The gem glows bright, its green aura shooting towards Tabbris and the other angels. They only have enough time to look startled before the gem forces them out of their vessels, their essences punching out of the human bodies in bright flashes of white light.

Castiel stands shakily as Balthazar approaches him, the gem easily slivering back into the front pocket of his blazer.

“Balthazar.” Castiel greets and he’s unsure what he sounds like. His brother shakes his head.

“This is getting dangerous Cas, they could have killed you. I say we grab a girl or three, a healthy portion of narcotics and get the first flight to Knowwheresville.”

“That isn’t an option I’m willing to take.” Castiel explains.

“Oh how about Cuba, I hear it’s fantastic this time of year.”

“Enough.” Castiel intones eyes on Balthazar’s own.

“I will not allow Raphael to destroy all that the Winchesters have helped to save.”

Balthazar clicks his tongue before his body loses its usual buoyancy. “Of course.... it would be about the Winchesters.” He mumbles, eyes scrutinizing.

“What are you insinuating?” Cas agitatedly asks.

“They make you weak Castiel.”

Castiel’s lips part as he turns away from Balthazar.

His brother can be brutally honest at times but it isn’t what Castiel needs at the moment so he changes the subject.

“How did you know I was in trouble?” Cas asks as he wipes at an absent bit of blood crusted against the side of his mouth.

“I didn’t. I was on my way to talk to you and because my luck is that terrible I managed to walk straight into your ambush.”

Cas shakes his head briefly. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Can I ask you a direct question?” Castiel frowns because what other type of questioning is there.

“Of course.” He replies.

“Are you integrant with the King Of Hades?”

“Of course not.” Castiel protests, shoulders held stiffly and awkwardly.  Had Balthazar been speaking with Tabbris and the others? Did they inform him of Castiel’s business?

His brother chuckles. “You always were such a terrible liar.” The words make Castiel pause for a moment - if Balthazar could tell from two words that Castiel was lying how did Sam and Dean not notice all this time?

“So it’s true? All right then. Why?” Balthazar questions, voice deepening on the last word and suddenly Castiel sees the powerful angel he knew in Heaven not the aristocratic, hedonist he’s become.

“It’s a means to an end. Balthazar you understand that.” Cas quietly provides.

“Oh absolutely, but what’s the end here exactly. You know raid purgatory, snatch up all the souls?”

“Win the war.”  Castiel cuts in, eyes boring into Balthazar’s because how can he not see, how can any of them not see what Castiel is trying to do.

It’s all well enjoying the world and experiencing it but if Raphael has his way there will be no world. And if Castiel is the only one willing to fight then he isn’t against fighting dirty.

“And I can only assume that you’ll be the vessel correct?” His brother asks. Cas’s silence is answer enough.

“Suck up all those souls into yourself, all that _power.”_

“It’s the only way.” Cas reasons.

“Or too much juice for you in which case you explode taking a substantial chunk of the planet along with you.”

Castiel clenches a fist anger ebbing on the edge of his psyche. He’s being undermined again reminded of things he’s thought about a million times already, he’s exhausted every possible theory and every possible problem.   _This will work._

“That won’t happen.” The brunette finalises.

“Sure, sure of course. Just...just tell me that it’s entirely risk free.” Balthazar asks and Cas briefly notices how much his brother has moved around when usually he’s languid and still.

Cas steps forward so there’s less space between them.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you but I need to know. Are you with me or not?”

They stare at each other for a moment before Balthazar breathes out a laugh shaking his head almost in disbelief.

“You know, you may be certifiable but fine. In for a penny, in for a pound.”

Castiel nods lightly and when Balthazar smiles back he thinks that maybe he was wrong, maybe hes not entirely alone.  

/

Sam recognises the figure immediately.  The low V- neck revealing tanned skin and black suede blazer is all he needs to see.  Balthazar appears before them; before either brother can speak the angel opens his mouth.

“I’m here about Castiel.”

“What about him?” Sam asks defensively.

Balthazar looks unimpressed by Sam’s outburst regardless he replies.

“How we’re going to persuade him to stop this ridiculous little endeavour of his.” 

“Well if you haven’t noticed we aren’t exactly on speaking terms.”  Dean says as he tips back the whiskey he’d lazily poured into a mug.

Balthazar raises an eyebrow at the hunter as he eyes him with disinterest. 

“I’m not here to be your marriage counsellor, you’ve got relationship problems with Cas you can sort that out in your own time. What I do need your help with however is stopping my brother from destroying himself.”

Dean huffs as if the idea is absurd, as far as he’s concerned he’s done his part. He’s asked Cas to stop what he’s doing, he’s poured his heart out by letting Castiel know how much the angel means to him and still Cas chose to betray Dean.

Sam steps forward, his eyes widened with worry.

“What do you mean _destroy_ himself?”  Sam asks.

 “The souls.” The angel speaks, when he receives a blank look from both brothers he sighs and half turns, his eyes looking up to the ceiling.

“For the love of... you two really are clueless aren’t you? The souls you blubbering fools are atoms of pure energy and Castiel intends to swallow them all. His vessel can’t contain them - he’ll implode and take half of the planet with him. I’m not going to stand by and watch my brother die and I know you don’t want your precious world to be blown to smithereens so the only practical solution I can see is us working together.”  Balthazar stops for a moment as he crosses his arms, a small physical defence mechanism that does nothing to hide his emotional turmoil.

Sam’s mouth quirks as he contemplates Balthazar, the angel looks so uncomfortable emitting emotion but at the moment it’s the only thing persuading Sam to trust him. After all the bloodshed and war and arguments it’s nice to see genuine affection even if it is coming from a dick like Balthazar.

Dean loudly places his mug onto the desk making Sam jump slightly.

“And how exactly are we supposed to stop Cas hm? If you haven’t noticed he’s M.I.A and even if we do find him what makes you think he’ll listen to anything we’ve got to say.”

“Cassie’s location?” Balthazar scoffs. “Leave that to me and as for our negotiator – we need someone who Cas is emotionally invested in so I think your brother can handle that.”  The angel’s eyes flicker over to Sam, there’s something hostile there but also an inkling of something that Sam can only identify is Balthazar’s way of saying _don’t screw this up you’re our only hope._

Dean frowns at Balthazar’s words before he turns to Sam. The younger Winchester avoids his brother’s eyes as he addresses Balthazar.

“You find Cas we’ll grab whatever weaponry we can.”

“It makes me all tingly inside when you give orders.” Balthazar replies and waits long enough to see Sam’s agitated expression before he disappears in a flutter of wings.

Sam hurries his way towards the door, eager to leave the room so he won’t have to be alone with Dean.

“Sam.” Dean calls as he follows after his brother. His hand curls around Sam’s elbow and with a sharp tug he turns him around.

“What was Balthazar talking about?” Dean asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t mess me around Sam. Balthazar said we need someone who’s ‘ _emotionally invested’_ to talk to Cas. What did he mean?”  The end of Dean’s sentence is punctured with authority; he isn’t giving Sam a choice here.  He’s demanding answers.

Sam sighs as he looks to the side.

“You might wanna grab the whiskey.” Sam warns and Dean looks so damn worried Sam’s stomach twists in uncomfortable knots.

This is definitely going to be one of the most awkward conversations of his life.

/

It’s been almost an hour since Balthazar left and Sam’s getting restless. He collected all the weapons he could but there’s not much you can use against an angel. He tells himself he may not even have to take the physical approach but in all honesty he’s not sure. 

He checks his shotgun and ammo, makes sure he’s got at least two jugs of holy oil, two angel blades and just in case the occasion calls for it he’s packing a flamethrower.

Sam’s fingers slide into his jeans pocket where they run a circle over the object there. If all else fails and the only option they have is to disarm Cas then Sam’s got the thing to do it. Only problem is, is Cas going to let Sam close enough to use it? The object is cold beneath his fingers, the steely texture indented in certain places. 

This whole situation is beyond messed up and Sam gives himself a moment to breathe. He’d spoken to Dean about him and Cas at the worst possible time. He’s still not entirely sure what Dean’s opinion on the whole thing is. All Dean had done was down a shot of whiskey mumble a comment about sleeping with the enemy and Julia Roberts then told Sam he should start packing the weapons.

A red spot appears in Sam’s line of vision. He blinks but it doesn’t disappear so he blinks again. When this doesn’t work he rubs at his eye with the side of his index finger.  Red washes over his vision and as it does a sharp pain flares up through Sam’s skull.

A pained noise leaves his throat as he grits his teeth.  The redness bleeding through into his irises attacks every one of his senses until Sam feels as if he’s suffocating. The redness sparks flashes of blood, impurities and bodily organs. The redness brings with it the smell of sulphur, death and excrement.  The redness brings with it the feeling of molten lava being pressed into his skin.

Sam’s knees thump to the floor as his fingers grip his hair. He widens his eyes in an attempt to see something other than the flashing of flesh on hooks.  He knows his eyes are open but he cannot see anything past this realm of destruction.

Is this hell?

“Sam.” The voice is muffled as if Sam has cotton pressed against his ears.

The hunter’s nails scratch at his temples because he can’t see and the longer his vision evades him the more he begins to panic. He gasps as a pair of scolding iron clamps appear before him.

“Sam!”  The hunter snaps to attention his knees shaking from where there pressed against the floor.

He looks up to find Balthazar looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

“What was that?” The angel asks his voice slow.

Sam blinks, the redness is gone.

“Nothing- I don’t know. Wait your back... did you find Cas!” Sam stumbles up from the floor his long limbs uncoordinated.

“Yes.” Balthazar says absently his eyes still scrutinizing Sam.

The angel shakes his head as if he’s clearing his thoughts. “Yes I did but you’re not coming.” Balthazar concludes.

“What! Why?”

It’s at this moment that Dean and Bobby enter the room - Dean’s expression the epitome of seriousness and Bobby’s a mix between awkwardness and exhaustion.  So Dean told Bobby about Sam and Cas. Yeah that really was awkward.

“We going or what?” Dean asks as he throws a duffel over his shoulder.

“ _We_ are but Sam _isn’t._ ” Balthazar states as he crosses his arms.

“What are you his babysitter?” Bobby cuts in, an eyebrow quirked.

Instead of a sarcastic retort the angel keeps a straight face as he turns his body towards Sam’s.

“Sam can you tell us what you just saw.”

Sam looks confused by the request; he purses his lips as he shakes his head.

“Just..red -.”

“Hell.” Balthazar cuts in.

“Your brothers seeing hell, I walked in here and he was practically having a seizure on the floor. His trips back down memory lane are unpredictable. It’ll be dangerous bringing him along.”

“Hey you don’t get to decide something like that. You _need_ me. You said I was the only one that could talk Cas out of this.” Sam interjects.

“I didn’t say you were the only one just the preferable one. Dean can do it. Speaking of...”

Balthazar flies his way over to Dean and Bobby.

“Are you ready because times running out.” Balthazar addresses them.

“You can’t just leave me here!” Sam shouts but as he steps forward Dean holds up his hand consequently stilling him.

“Dean?”

“Did you see hell?” Dean asks his eyes glossed over with fear and worry.

The brothers stare at each other before Sam exhales through his nose.

“Yes.”

Dean bows his head.

“But it was only a flash. Dean I can do this. Please. “

“No.” Dean replies as he lifts his head, his jaw set.

“What! Dean you can’t do this!” Sam outrages.

“It’s not safe Sam.”

“Since when are we ever safe!”

Dean doesn’t reply instead he turns to Balthazar and nods.

“Let’s go.”

“Wait...no - Bobby please you’ve gotta do something. Surely you must know it’ll be better for all of us if I come with you guys.”

Bobby looks reluctant to choose. Sam is like a son to him and if he’s seeing Hell the slightest physical strain could send him spiralling. But on the other hand Sam’s a damn good hunter and they could use him in this fight. 

“It’s not my call son.” Bobby shrugs his eyes moving over to Dean.

Dean must see something in Sam’s eyes because for a moment he stops.

“Give us five minutes.” Dean orders.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Balthazar sighs as his arms fall to his sides.

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” Dean replies.

“Sorry chaps but I don’t think now’s the time for some brotherly bonding, if you haven’t noticed we have less than four hours before Cassie pops Purgatory.”

Dean’s eyes roll towards Balthazar.

“Five minutes.”  The hunter repeats.

Balthazar’s face holds an agitated expression, he shakes his head.

“And counting. I’ll be outside.” The angel comments before he flies away.

Bobby gives the pair a curt nod before taking the duffel from Dean’s shoulder and shuffling out towards the door. The moment he’s gone Dean turns to Sam.

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Cas?” It’s not what Sam’s expecting Dean to say. He frowns before answering.

“It just wasn’t the right time.”

Dean looks away and shakes his head as if he can’t believe the words Sam’s telling him.

“Don’t give me none of that _wasn’t the right time_ crap. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam runs both hands through his hair only for his bouncy brown locks to fall forwards once again.

“It was just... I don’t know. It was me and Cas and it was uncomplicated and _good_ you know? And I didn’t want anyone else knowing about it because I’d created this bubble for me and him that was completely separate from us hunting and it made me happy.”

“So... you’re saying hunting with me depresses you.”

Sam sighs, “That’s not what I’m saying Dean and you know it.”

Dean smiles humourlessly, his hand coming up to brush between his eyebrows. 

“I’m just having a hard time understanding this, I mean you and Cas barely talk and the next minute your sleeping together. Is this supposed to be some kind of supernatural sex checklist of yours? A werewolf a demon and now an angel.  I mean I’m all for interspecies relationships but this is just getting ridiculous.”

Sam’s eyebrows bunch, his teeth grinding together. Dean’s words are harsh and flippant but if Sam knows anything he knows his brother.  Dean tends to dish out insults when his defences are down and he has nothing left to give.

“Dean...look I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. I’m sorry _I_ didn’t tell you.” Sam corrects himself; he’s not sure what approach to take. If they did tell Dean should him and Cas of done it together. But that’s something couples do and Sam doesn’t even know what he and Cas are.

Dean doesn’t reply to Sam’s words and all it does is make Sam angry. Dean didn’t want to talk about him and Cas before so why is he suddenly so interested. They have less than four hours to stop Cas and any other demon’s or angels that try to get in their way. They can’t stand around and talk all day.

“Look Dean...I get it. You’re pissed at me –“

“No you don’t get it Sam.”  Dean announces as he takes a few short steps towards Sam.

“You lied to me about Cas. Maybe not intentionally but you did. You’re my brother and Cas is my friend and you’ve both kept something from me. After all we’ve been through; after all I’ve done for you I think the least I deserve is your honesty.  So don’t try and make out like this is some kind of over exaggeration on my part. “

Dean’s right and it hurts to think it. The entire time Sam and Cas had been sleeping together he hadn’t thought about how it would affect Dean because it was the first thing in his life that didn’t _involve_ Dean.  But when Sam thinks about it really thinks about it he realises that Dean has taken all of Sam’s crap has gone to hell for him has taken hits for him and asking for honesty in return for that really isn’t all that hard. Except Sam still manages to screw it up.

“Dean...” Sam starts his voice quivering. “I’m sorry I didn’t think of it like that.”

“I know you didn’t.” Dean replies.

All goes silent for a moment, past memories and mistakes they made running through both brothers’ minds.

“Do you love him?” Dean suddenly asks, Sam looks up expecting to see a grin on his brother’s face expect there isn’t one, instead there’s an explorative look. 

“I don’t know.” Sam answers honestly.

Dean nods, his lips pouted somewhat.

“Okay.” Dean says.

“Okay.” Sam repeats somewhat sceptically.

“Grab your bag, your coming with.”

Sam looks relieved and shocked at the same time; he grabs his duffel from the desktop before turning to walk with Dean through the door.

Before they exit Bobby’s house Sam turns to Dean.

“Hey Dean.”

“Yeah Sammy.”

“What made you change your mind... you know about me coming?”

Dean has an easy look on his face.

“We’re brothers. If were in this were in it together.”

Sam’s eyes soften at Dean’s words. It brings a warmth to his chest, a swim of reassurance he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Bobby clears his throat from where he stands at the door with a shotgun in hand.

“We good?” The older hunter asks.

Sam turns to Dean with a smile.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

/

When the door to a place that’s been locked away is about to be opened you expect the night air to freeze, you expect rain to fall. That isn’t the case for this particular night. The sky is dark but clear, the bright moon illuminating everything in shadows of grey. 

Inside the large abandoned mansion Crowley walks towards Castiel his steps small but purposeful.

“Cocktail a la Purgatory – one part virgin’s blood – one part monster – shaken not stirred.”

Castiel accepts the jar with nimble fingers, absently turning it around in his hands. 

“Thank you.”  The angel solemnly says.

Crowley turns to Castiel an intrigued look on his face.

“Why so grim angel?”

“I’m renegotiating our terms.” 

“Is that so? What terms do you propose?” If Castiel didn’t know any better he’d say Crowley’s tone was flirtatious boarding on the line of familiarity. It makes Castiel uneasy and for a moment the angel fears that because of circumstances Crowley may be his only ally. Castiel doesn’t have time for allies let alone friends. His experience with the Winchesters has shown him that friendship brings nothing but pain and complications.

“You get nothing. Not one single soul.” And just like that the easiness falls from Crowley’s eyes, the friendly facade being replaced by something uglier. Castiel has never been more relieved. 

Castiel finds it’s easy to be angry now that he’s lost everything. The only thing he can count on is himself. He will open purgatory and digest the souls. He will save the world alone and maybe just maybe the Winchesters shall forgive him. They’ll have to because Castiel would have saved their lives. Again.

Castiel leaves Crowley with a heavy threat before the demon disappears.

The room is suddenly quiet and a thousand thoughts bombard Castiel.

_Is it worth it? What happens if it goes wrong? Can I handle this? Will the Winchesters ever forgive me? **Am I doing the right thing?**_

He ignores every single one of them.

/

Sioux Falls to Kansas is a seven hour drive but Balthazar dumps them and the impala halfway there. He tells them they’ll have to make their own way there otherwise it would look too suspicious. They agree to meet Balthazar outside the address he’s given them in three hours that would give them plenty of time to drive there.

The angel manages to comment about how utterly stupid it is bringing Sam along in the condition he’s in before he flies away.

Dean stares worriedly at Sam but he made a choice and he can’t go back on it now.

They get in the car and drive.

/

“Change of plan boys.”  The Winchesters and Bobby all jump in unison from their position hidden behind Dean’s car. They move their eyes away from the mansion before them and to the new arrival.  

“A little warning would be nice!” Dean hisses at the angel, his heart beating thunderously loud.

“What and miss that constipated look you pull off so well, don’t be ridiculous.”  Balthazar sarcastically condescends. 

Dean frowns as Bobby rolls his eyes.

“As entertaining as this lovers’ quarrel is I’d like to know the new plan.”  Bobby says.

Sam narrows his eyes. “Why is there a new plan?” The youngest Winchester asks.

“You still have the holy oil correct?” Balthazar questions, ignoring Sam. 

“Course we do.” Bobby replies.

“Good were going to need it.” The angel states.

“What? Wait. _Why_?” Sam questions.

“Alliteration – you are a clever one. We need the holy oil because I just visited Cas and he informed me that he cut Crowley out of their little deal. It was a binding contract even demons wouldn’t dare weasel their way out of.”

“And?” Dean gruffly asks. He doesn’t see the problem here - so Crowley’s out of the deal, the dick doesn’t need any more power.

“And... you clueless monkey if a creature as lowly as Crowley doesn’t break deals you have to understand the seriousness of someone like Castiel doing it. I sincerely doubt he’ll listen to us unless he’s forced to.” Balthazar explains and its clear from his facial expression that it’s not something he _wants_ to do but something he has to.

“No.” Sam simply says. “I’m not trapping him in holy fire again.”

“Don’t pretend you have morals now, you didn’t have a problem with trapping him before.”  The angel snidely remarks. 

“Well I definitely wouldn’t have a problem trapping you.”  Sam admits, his eyes narrowed and his tone offensive.

Balthazar’s laugh is derisive.  “I’d like to see you try.”

Sam pushes himself forward only to have Dean place a hand on his chest.

“Wow..wow back off. Back off. This isn’t helping.”

Dean’s eyes turn to Balthazar.

“We’re not gonna trap Cas in holy fire.”  Dean enunciates.

“Then what do you suggest we do?”  Balthazar inquires his voice slow and demanding.

Sam inhales sharply and remembering the item he placed in his pocket reaches for it.

“We use these.” Sam breathlessly says, all eyes turn to him as he fishes the object out of his pocket.

The hunter’s eyes scan those of everyone around him before he repeats himself. “We use these.”

Dean has a bewildered expression on his face whiles Bobby’s is curious and Balthazar’s is marvelled. 

“I knew you’d done some racy things in your life Sam but those are just _naughty_.” Balthazar comments.

Sam goes bright red. “Shut up.” The hunter mumbles embarrassingly.

“Dude what the hell are those?” Dean slowly says as he reaches over to pluck the item out of Sam’s hands.

“What does it look like genius?” Bobby grumbles from behind Sam.

“Handcuffs Sammy.” Dean says as he raises an eyebrow. “Were gonna stop Cas with a pair of handcuffs.”

Sam sighs because sometimes his brother’s intelligence levels are questionable.

“Not the cuffs - the sigils pressed into them.”

“Here lemme see.”  Bobby says as he accepts the item, his fingers grazing over the Enochian symbols branded into the metal of the cuffs.

“I’ve never seen these symbols before.” The older hunter points out.

“That’s because angels don’t make a habit of showing humans their weaknesses.” Balthazar remarks.

Dean raises an eyebrow. “What does it do?”

“It’ll weaken Cas, take his powers away temporarily.  He won’t be able to break through the cuffs let alone fly away.” Sam explains.

Dean looks startled for a moment his eyes on the handcuffs.

“Cas showed you these symbols?”

Sam looks uncomfortable as he shifts his broad shoulders.

“Yeah.” The younger Winchester quietly provides.

“When?” Dean chimes in.

Balthazar pulls his lips into his mouth as if he’s finding the whole situation amusing before he speaks.

“Trust me Dean...you do not want to know.” Balthazar winks at Sam and the hunter’s tempted to yell at the angel to stop reading his thoughts but he manages to bite his tongue. There’s no point in letting his brother and surrogate dad know that the only reason he knows about the symbols was because himself and Cas had used them in the bedroom.

“Fascinating. But can we get to the new plan, because if you haven’t noticed we got less than an hour before the rituals matured.” Bobby says.

“Of course. We’ll find a suitable room in the mansion for you to hide in, I’ll lure Cassie there, Sam can use the handcuffs to disarm him, we can talk Cas out of this and then we can all go back to our avidly exciting lives and I can pretend I never met any of you.”  The angel supplies a luxurious smile on his face.

“Feelings mutual.” Dean mumbles.

All four of them look up to the mansion.

“So we doing this?” Dean asks a look of defiance on his face.

Bobby sighs. “Ain’t no time like the present.”

/

Crowley teleports to a little shop in the east of West Chester. It’s on the corner of Victoria Street, the shop is an antique one that sells the most beautiful trinkets from china tea sets to porcelain vases.

Face contorted in anger Crowley flicks his arm out and as his hand moves a cluster of glasses sail off of the shelves only to smash upon the floor, pieces of glass scattering everywhere.

 “Ignorant, constipated, insolent, beguiling whore of an angel.” 

With each word Crowley voices he flails his arms, pieces of furniture follow his movements as they harshly collide with the ground and walls.

“So the rumours are correct, you have been working with my brother.”  Crowley jumps, his forehead creasing as he turns around to match a face to the voice.

It’s a women and she’s beautiful there’s no doubt about that.  Her slender tall frame is constricted by slightly baggy black clothing. Her eyes are large and round, her dark skin illuminating the pinkness of her lips. Her presence is unsettling to say the least because there’s something subconsciously threatening about her. She has power resonating from her and its familiar – too familiar.

“You’re an angel.” Crowley identifies, his tongue running over the corner of his mouth.

“And you’re a filthy spewing bag of pus.”

“Sticks and stones love.”  Crowley grins, his accent thick.

Crowley shifts slightly his body walking clockwise and in turn his companion turns anti clockwise.

“Anything I can help you with...?” The demon asks his voice expectant at the end of the sentence.

“Raphael.” The angel fills in the blank.

Crowley’s eyes widen. “Ah Raphael... the one dear Castiel is so afraid of.”

“So you’ve heard of me.”

Crowley lifts his hand up to chest level before shifting it from side to side.  “Bits and pieces.” He answers.

Raphael smiles as if she’s pleased by the fact.

“This conversation has been memorable but I’m on a tight schedule. I’m looking for Castiel.”  The angel states.

She steps towards Crowley and suddenly the demon feels incredibly small.  She’s looking for Castiel and she’s clearly stronger than him. Crowley on the other hand has no vantage point over either of them unless....

“Rumour has it you’re looking for fire power to kick start this war of yours.  I happen to know about a source of untapped energy that’s just waiting to be absorbed.”

“Do you now?” Raphael asks though her tone is disbelieving and languid as if she’s simply going along with the conversation to humour Crowley.

“One word – Purgatory.”

Raphael’s eyes widen as she tilts her head - Crowley briefly thinks it must be an angel thing.

“Impossible.” Raphael quietly mutters.

“Why don’t we discuss a small business transaction, I’m sure we can come to some sort of an arrangement.”

Raphael parts her lips, her facial expression intrigued.

“I’m listening.”

/


	6. 6

Balthazar’s hands shake the closer he gets to Castiel.  He can lie, he’s damn good at it but that doesn’t mean that he wants to.  But this is the only way, the only way he can save his brother and the world.  

He’s just waiting for everything to go to crap because let’s be honest when has anything ever been easy for them?

Sometimes he wonders if it would have been a smarter decision to continue the illusion that he had died in battle, maybe then he wouldn’t have been dragged into this situation, where he’s risking his life for a world he’s reluctantly come to treasure and for a brother who tries too damn hard to do the right thing.

He walks past several angels barely passing them a glance. He has to get Castiel to the east side of the mansion where it’s mostly empty and not as many angels are patrolling, it’s the only way they can all talk to Castiel without interruption.

He knocks on the door and opens it without waiting for a reply from inside.  

Castiel’s back is turned to him when he enters but Balthazar sees the slight twitch of his shoulders beneath his trench coat.

“I thought you’d be across the planet by now.” Cas states and Balthazar doesn’t blame him for coming to that conclusion. When he’d found out that Castiel had broken the deal himself and Crowley had made Balthazar himself was quick to flee to alert the Winchesters of that information that he had completely ignored what his quick exit would have looked like.

“What and miss all the action?” Balthazar jokes before smiling and even he knows that it looks small and pathetic.

“Is something bothering you?” Castiel asks with a frown and Balthazar shifts, scratches at the skin below his ear before tilting his head towards the door.

“Take a walk with me.” He says and Cas spares a glance at the jars and herbs he had laid out on the table before he turns to Balthazar and nods.

They get up and silently walk down the hall but there’s a tension between them a thickness of unease that is so obvious it feels physical. Balthazar wonders if Castiel can feel it to. Though he trusts his brother after witnessing some of the ruthless ways he’s dealt with things lately it’s made Balthazar weary of him.

“How are you feeling?” Balthazar asks and Castiel draws his attention away from their surroundings to look at his brother.

“Fine.”

“Is that all? No anxiousness about the ritual. You know there’s still time to pull out of this. Enough time for us to find another way to defeat Raphael.” Balthazar knows his tones wavering and that he shouldn’t have brought this up until he had gotten Castiel safely into the room he agreed to meet the Winchester’s and Bobby Singer in but he couldn’t help it.

Cas stops and turns to him. “Is there something you want to say?”

Balthazar also stops and swallows before shaking his head.

“Nothing, I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Balthazar admits and Castiel gives a slight inclination of the head.

“I won’t.” Is all he says before walking past Balthazar and continuing down the hall.

/

“You okay Sam?” Bobby asks quietly as he watches Sam do a once over on his shotgun.

Sam blinks his eyes a few times, a small furrow building between his brows. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine, great.”

Bobby raises an eyebrow and scoffs lightly. “You’re still a crappy liar.”

They share a small huff of laughter before Sam’s smile drops.

“I’m just worried. What if this doesn’t go as we planned?” Sam says and Bobby tsks before readjusting his cap.

“Since when has anything ever gone to plan for us? We make it up as we go and it seems to have worked pretty damn well so far.”

Sam smiles. “Don’t I know it?” He replies before he looks away, swallows thickly. “I just don’t want to lose him.”

Bobby tenses at Sam’s tone, the sincerity and desperation in it. He’s only ever had that tone with those he cares about, those he loves and considers family.  Bobby places a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Then don’t.” Is all he says before walking across the room. He has no objective here but he thinks Sam needs a few moments to himself to think.

A few minutes later they hear the dull shuffling of footsteps and muffled voices. All three hunters freeze and Dean breathes in unsteadily, mouth slightly open before he turns to the others.

“This is it.” He says.

The opening of the double doors leading to the room their hiding in is anything but dramatic. It takes Cas a moment to realise their all there, he stares at each of them in turn before turning around to face Balthazar who with a quick flick of his hand eases the door shut.

“What’s going on?” Cas cautiously asks as he takes a step back.

“Cas buddy, we just want to talk.” Dean says holding out a placating hand.

Cas turns to him and sets his jaw. “I thought everything had been said.” He replies bitterly if not a little childishly and Dean pulls back for a minute before a look of determination crosses his features. He clicks his tongue.

“Yeah well I think we can agree we were both a little hot headed before.” Dean says and Cas is still before he turns to walk away, stopping when Balthazar obstructs him.

“Move.” Cas demands and his brother shakes his head.

“Not until we talk.”

Castiel looks a mixture of betrayed and confused before he bows his head, looking up at Balthazar with a slither of a threat in his eyes.

“ _Move_.”  He commands and Balthazar’s eyes flicker to Sam, who shakes his head. They haven’t even talked yet but when he sees Castiel go to move around Balthazar the other angel roughly grasps Cas’s shoulders holding him in place and Sam realises it might be the only chance they have to stop the ritual from taking place.

Sam rushes forwards and pulls the handcuffs out of his pocket. He catches Cas’s eye when the angel looks over his shoulder at Sam and the hunter opens his mouth – to apologise – or to ask for forgiveness he’s not sure - before he clicks the cuffs around Cas’s wrists. Cas’s back goes ram rod straight before he pulls at the cuffs, they clink together and Sam swallows, holds a hand out hesitantly and is not surprised when Cas turns around and kicks at him. The cuffs make Cas weak, he’s as strong as the rest of them now and Sam easily catches his leg and pushes it back down.

“Castiel you need to calm down.” Balthazar advises and Cas grinds his teeth together.

“Let me go, if I don’t complete the ritual Raphael will kill us all.”

“We’ll find another way.” Sam assures and Cas shakes his head before retaliating.

“What would you do? We are all far inferior in strength compared to Raphael. The only one strong enough to stop him doesn’t care enough to try. I am the only one who can do this.”

“Not like this Cas.” Dean says before he steps into the angel’s line of vision.  “Come on man there is another way to stop that stupid ninja turtle we just haven’t found it yet.  Everyone kept telling us the only way to stop Lucifer was to say yes to Michael and guess what -  we stopped that S.O.B without Michael because we worked together. Raphael’s small time – we can take him down easy.” Dean says and smiles, warm and easy, that alluring tilt of his lips that makes you want to believe everything coming out of his mouth.

Just as Castiel looks willing to listen to them the lights above them flicker and Balthazar curses.

“Please tell me that was you.” Bobby slowly says and when Balthazar says ‘no’ Bobby cocks his gun.

“The ritual.” Castiel says and he thinks it would be fitting for them to have a grandfather clock around so they could hear the chimes because he knows it’s midnight. Someone must be performing the ritual to open the doors to Purgatory and he would guess it to be Crowley but the person’s presence feels purer and much more powerful which only means one thing.

“Raphael.” Balthazar identifies with dread.

“We’ll check it out.” Dean says and Sam turns to him.

“What, are you freakin crazy.”  Sam screeches at him.

Dean raises an eyebrow lazily and smirks. “You only just figured that out.” He replies shrugging when Sam frowns. “Besides Pinky and the Brain here are coming with.”

Sam inhales sharply through his nose but Dean just waves him off.

A large explosion sounds throughout the mansion followed by crashes and the overbearing light that is only produced when an angel dies.

Before Sam has another chance to protest Dean, Bobby and Balthazar rush out through the door, closing it behind them.

They jog through the halls efficiently and quietly, weapons poised and ready if they need to attack. The further away they move from the east wing of the mansion the thinner the air feels.

“Be alert.” Balthazar urges and Dean rolls his eyes.

“Yeah you think.” He replies and Bobby scowls. “Not really the time for sarcasm Dean.” The older hunter berates before they all stop, staring in shock at the body before them.  One either side of the person’s form are shadows of wings and Dean swallows.

“So I’m gonna take this as a sign that we should get the hell out of here.”  He says and they all jump when a voice speaks up.

“My my, what do we have here?”  Dean recognises the person – Raphael –who is now in a chick’s body and yeah that’s never going to stop being weird.

“No transgender jokes?” Raphael asks and her voice sounds different, smoother and crueller.

Dean laughs shakily, eyes flickering to Bobby and Balthazar. “I’m working on something.”  He replies before reaching behind him, aiming his shotgun and shooting. Bobby follows and Dean is suddenly reminded of the first time he met Castiel when himself and Bobby emptied over a dozen rounds into him, it hadn’t affected Castiel at all and Dean knows without a doubt that it mustn’t be doing anything to Raphael but hopefully it’ll slow her down.  

Dean opens his clip, let’s the empty shells fall to the floor before his hands scramble for some more bullets. He looks up to where Bobby’s still shooting away and Raphael just stands there taking it all, her body giving involuntary jerks when the bullets connect with her body but apart from that she doesn’t seem fazed at all.

“Come on.” Dean shouts over the sounds of their guns and they begin running back the way they came only turning around enough to shoot at Raphael who follows them relentlessly her steps long and purposeful.

/

Castiel pulls against his binds and it hurts, the metals digging into his skin and he can feel his pallid flesh chaffing.

“Cas?” Sam quietly asks and when he places a hand on Cas’s shoulder the angel shakes him off.

“You can’t ignore me forever.” Sam states heatedly because he doesn’t understand how Castiel can be angry at Sam when all the hunters tried to do is keep him safe.  

The sounds from outside become louder, muffled screams, the shuffle of feet and the loud echoing bang of bullets. It doesn’t take a genius to know something is happening – something bad.

“I can’t protect you like this.” Castiel explains.

Sam bites his lip and flinches when he hears a loud crash from down the hall.

“Sam. We don’t have time for this. Let me go.” Sam’s sure Castiel’s voice drops several octaves, with numb hands Sam takes the keys from his pocket and leaning behind Cas undoes the handcuffs. Castiel exhales a sigh of relief his hands immediately curving out of the handcuffs.  The chaffing red cuts around Castiel’s wrists don’t fade and Sam’s heart lurches into his throat. How long will it take for him to heal? They can’t exactly play a waiting game.

The door to the room implodes, pieces of thick wood spiralling in every which direction.  Sam’s head bows away from the door on instinct as Castiel turns to the door.  Not even a second later the bodies of Balthazar, Bobby and Dean are forcefully thrown through the doorway their bodies crashing into the wall opposite the room’s entrance.

“Dean!” Castiel doesn’t hear Sam’s worried shout over the blood rushing through his ears and the fear catapulting inside of him.

The angel swallows heavily as Raphael walks through the doorway except it isn’t the archangel he knows - she’s so much more now.  Powerful. Immortal. God like. _Unbeatable._ She’s taken the souls of purgatory for herself Castiel can feel it, can sense the unfathomable amount of power she has coursing through her and its fucking terrifying.  Raphael is no longer subjected to limitations or rules, she’s a god she can do as she pleases.  Castiel stutters a shaky breath. He’s not going to die. Raphael is too cruel to allow him such a mercy. She’s going to torture him in ways that Castiel cannot even begin to describe.

“Castiel.”  Castiel barely manages to not flinch at the mention of his own name especially as it falls from her lips.

“You can sense them cant you? All of them inside of me.” Castiel nods – words fail him.

“You have no idea what this feels like. I’m indestructible, I’m _perfect_. And now brother, now you are going to pay for your disobedience and for your rebellion against me – you’re new god.”

 Raphael appears before Castiel, a colossal of strength.  She uppercuts Castiel and the angels head snaps upwards, the sounds of cracking bones follow. Jaw shattered and mouth bleeding Castiel falls to the ground, his knees bashing onto the concrete floor.  Cas gasps around mouthfuls of his own blood as Raphael delivers blow after blow to his face, his head snapping left and right with every punch.

Castiel’s skin blossoms in bruises, his pale skin pulsing marks of purple and red. A blood vessel bursts inside his eye and his vision blurs. Castiel hears Sam’s terrified shouts, the hunter’s voice shaking with suppressed tears. He can sense the fear emanating from all of them; can feel Dean and Bobby holding Sam back away from Raphael with every ounce of strength they can muster.  He can feel Balthazar’s indecision and apprehension followed by Balthazar’s wings vibrating in preparation for flight. Castiel cannot blame him. Balthazar cares for Castiel but he cares for his own life more. The fact that he’s tried to help Castiel for this long is a small miracle, many would have given up on Cas a long time ago. Castiel only wishes that Sam, Dean and Bobby would follow by Balthazar’s example and flee whiles they can.

 Raphael grabs Castiel by the fabric of his trench coat and throws him through a wall.

Castiel can feel nothing but pain.

/

Balthazar whispers ingredients out loud, trying to remember them and thinking of where he could obtain them. He gives himself enough time to collect them and scrawl instructions on a piece of paper before he’s shoving everything into a duffel.  With that done he goes to do his next task.

Wings humming like a butterflies Balthazar lands in Minnesota of all the places. Over two thousand years of existence and this is the place they chose to settle down in?  

His flustered appearance as well as his less then graceful landing immediately attract the attention of the angels around him - Castiel’s old comrades.

Tabbris turns to Balthazar his frame rigid. “How did you find us?” The olive coloured angel asks.

Balthazar feigns boredom and indifference as he crosses one leg behind the other.  “In Heaven you were appointed as scroll writer and yet you can’t even get a couple of cloaking sigils right.”

The angels behind Tabbirs stand stiff and on guard, ready to strike at any moment.

“You have no place being here.” Tabbris informs though what he really wants to say is _leave._

Balthazar magic’s a glass of Pernod-Ricard Perrier-Joet into his hand before taking a leisurely sip.     

“Oh I must be mistaken you see I thought that you wanted Cas’s location but you know what never mind.”  Balthazar goes to turn away and hates how long it takes for Tabbris to reply, in reality its only seconds but the thought of Castiel’s broken body laying bleeding on the mansion’s floor is enough to make those seconds feel like hours.

“You know where Castiel is?” Tabbris slowly asks.

“What the whole cryptic message not make it obvious enough.”

Tabbris frowns in confusion as Balthazar rolls his eyes.  Sometimes he thinks some of his brothers and sisters will never understand sarcasm.

“Yes I know where he is.” Balthazar attests.

The rest of the angels stalk forward their grace’s bleeding anger and thoughts of revenge for Rachel’s death.

“Why should we trust you? You helped Castiel get away from us before.” Tabbris informs.

“That was before I knew he was working with Crowley.” Balthazar says a hot flare of nerves running through him. Tabbris looks thoughtful for a moment before he nods. 

“Lead the way.” The angel says and Balthazar’s mouth pulls down to one side in nervousness. This plan had better well work or they were screwed. He swallows down the remaining champagne in his glass before his wings spread wide open, ready for flight.

“Try to keep up.”

/

“Son of a bitch.” Dean breaths even before he see’s Balthazar disappear - the sound of angel wings give it away, they’ve become such a reoccurring thing in his life it’s almost as familiar as Sam’s insistent need for morning runs and Bobby’s ability to love and berate them.  Balthazar is such a coward, Dean cannot believe they trusted him enough to bring them this far. The fact that he left his own brother to die is detestable Dean would never even dream of leaving Sam behind.

Dean’s scared and he’s not ashamed to admit it – to himself anyway.  When himself and Castiel faced Raphael before it was nothing like this, she was much weaker then and the two of them had the comfort of knowing the arch angel was trapped in a ring of holy fire.  But now she was a cyclone of power and incessant fury.  Dean’s not sure how much more of this Cas can take, the hunter flinches when Raphael’s fist connects with Cas’s eye and the eye socket pops hollowly.  

Sam’s screaming now and Dean barely misses the lengthy arm that’s trying to knock him away. He can’t let Sam near Raphael one blow possibly one look and she would destroy Sam. It’s a miracle Cas isn’t dead by now, Dean’s sure Cas’s grace is the only thing holding his vessel together, the rest of it is broken, brutally being pulled apart by Raphael with every hit she sends the angel’s way.

Raphael throws Cas through a wall and that’s the moment Bobby and Dean lose their hold on Sam. Sam runs straight after them a solid six foot of furiousness. He’s not even ten feet away from Raphael before she turns around and sharply raises a hand, Sam goes flying through the air, his legs flailing before he smashes into a table and falls to the floor.

Raphael watches disinterested before she turns back to Castiel.  Both Dean and Bobby rush to Sam’s side.

“Sam...Sammy hey c’mon man get up.”  Dean coaxes his voice holding tremors of urgency to it.

Bobby curls an arm around Sam’s back and helps him up. Sam sways for a moment before he turns himself in the direction of the two fighting angels.

“Sam, hey hold up.” Dean says as he moves to stand before his brother. They’re both crazy and reckless Dean knows this but trying to go up against Raphael isn’t being reckless its being suicidal.

“Dean. Get out of my way.” Sam orders as he goes to step around his brother only to have Dean shove him backwards.

“No. Look you need to calm the hell down and take a second to realise what’s going on around here. You don’t stand a chance against Raphael. We gotta regroup and get outta here.”

Sam doesn’t attempt to push past Dean neither does he move towards the exit.

“No.” Sam shouts, a vein pulsing in his head as his face flushes red with anger.  “I am _not_ leaving him.” And then there it is, Dean sees it even before his brother does.  He may not have been sure about it before but now he is. Sam loves Cas.  It hits Dean like a punch to the chest because for Sam to just realise it now is like a cruel twist of coincidence.  He finally has someone he wants someone that makes him happy and that someone is about to be destroyed.

Dean stares at Sam’s pleading eyes for a moment and thinks maybe he is suicidal because he’s going to let Sam jump in there all guns blazing and god help him he’s going to go with his brother.

The lights above them flicker and Bobby freezes.

“Uh...boys. We got company.”  The older hunter says breaking Dean and Sam out of their trance.

All three simultaneously turn and come face to face with a small group of angels they don’t recognise and Balthazar. Balthazar strides towards them. “You called in the cavalry?” Bobby asks.  Balthazar sucks in a breath. “Not quite... they’re more of a distraction.”

“Where is Castiel?” Tabbris demands.

Dean eyes him clearly annoyed and unimpressed before he asks. “Who the hell are you?”

Tabbirs glares. “That is none of your business _Dean Winchester_.” Dean inches back slightly, he’ll never get used to people knowing his name when he hasn’t told them it and he’ll never get used to that holier than thou tone.

“Actually I think it is. If people are going to come and crash the party I’d like to know who they are especially if their dicks with wings.”  

Bobby eyes Dean like he’s crazy and hell he probably is because the hunter never knows when to shut the hell up.

Tabbris steps towards Dean, his shoulders squared. Before he can reach the hunter Sam shimmies in front of his brother.

“You want Castiel? You gotta go through me.”

Balthazar’s eyes shift between Tabbris and Sam, when that self assured benevolent smirk goes over Tabbris’s face Balthazar gets between him and Sam.

 “Castiel’s through there.”  Balthazar comments feeling a strange sense of melancholy when the hunters look at him as if he’s _betrayed_ them. Are they honestly that obtuse as to think that Balthazar would flee just to reappear with more angels who want Castiel dead?

The angels make to move around them and Sam reaches an arm out in order to stop them. Balthazar’s arm grabs his wrist adding a crushing pressure and Sam’s eyes move to his. Balthazar tightens his jaw, tries to communicate unverbally that this is part of the plan. Sam seems to get it after a moment because his arm relaxes beneath the angels hold and Tabbris scoffs.

“Humans- so easily swayed.” Tabbris comments and Sam sneers but watches as they walk past them and towards where Raphael and Castiel are.

The feel of grace startles Raphael, she knew her brothers and sisters were stupid but were they really that stupid?  They rebelled against her and for that they’re going to pay, their appearance has guaranteed that.

She unscrews the hand she has buried in Cas’s coat and watches him collapse pitifully to the floor. His head lolls and his eyes roll back slightly; she kicks him in the side, pointed edges of her shoes causing a small whine to break through from Castiel’s mouth.

“Don’t pass out on me now brother, we’ve only just begun.”  Raphael says, pressing her foot down and smiling when Castiel moans painfully.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Dean says and he manages to say it quietly while sounding infinitely angry.

“There’s no time to explain.”  Balthazar replies before he’s hoisting the duffel he brought over to Dean.

“You just sent a small army of angel-bots after Cas, I think now is as good a time as any.” Dean says and Balthazar turns to him sharply.

“Can you shut up for one moment? Your inability to listen is going to get us killed, now if you’ll let me _explain_ you’ll see how this is all going to work out.” Balthazar hisses and Dean opens his mouth before turning his widened eyes to Bobby and Sam like he’s half impressed and half chastised by the angel’s words.

Dean cradles the duffel in one hand and uses the other to unzip it and part the folds of the bag to look inside. It looks like a bunch of junk, herbs crystals and odd trinkets.

Balthazar removes two folded pieces of paper out of the front pocket of his jacket, moving faster when he hears crashes and screams from the next room over.

“Looks like the knight found your pawns.” Bobby says, trying for light hearted but it sounds dread filled and his hand tightens on his gun.

Balthazar spares a quick look over his shoulder before facing them again. “We still have time, here take these.” He hands the pieces of paper to Bobby who inspects them quickly. Ones instructions written in a small black scrawl and the others a symbol, a circle that has a cross in it and situated around the cross are a mixture of numbers and Enochian letters.

“What is this?” Bobby asks.

“Warding, it will hide your location, but you have to write it in human blood.” The angel explains and then a loud screaming pierces their hearing. Balthazar winces.

“No matter how much it pains me to say it; you three are our only hope. I need you to take Raphael down.”  

“How.” Dean urges but then Balthazar’s hand is on his forehead and the hunter’s eyes snap shut on instinct. When he blinks them open again he’s at Bobby’s.

“Where did you just send him?” Sam shouts.  

“Somewhere where he’ll be safe.” Balthazar says before he does the same to Bobby.  

He moves towards Sam and the hunter backs away.

“I’m not leaving without Castiel.”

“I know.” Balthazar says and Sam seems shocked for a moment before he nods resolutely. 

“So what’s the plan?”

/

“Bobby.” Dean shouts when the older hunter comes into view. “Where the hell is Sam?”  

Bobby looks around. “The mansion, he must still be there.” Bobby announces and Dean pales.

“We need to put these wards up.” Bobby says, shucking his shotgun down before reaching for the knife he keeps in the waistband of his jeans.

He runs the knife across his forearm, creating a slick cut before easing his fingers through the blood.  

“Bobby we have to help them.” Dean says eyes darting towards Bobby as the older hunter removes the piece of paper with the warding sigil on it.

Bobby turns to him.

“No Dean, you have to trust your brother. He’ll be fine, you hear me. We’ve got a job to do, now get to work.” Dean takes the paper, grasps at it with numb hands before he draws out his own dagger.

He goes to the next room and looks up at the ceiling.

“Cas buddy if you can hear me, you gotta look after my brother. Look after yourself; I need both of you alive you hear me. Just...just get out of there.”

He doesn’t hear anything, not the wisp of angel wings or a reply.

He takes a look at the sigil and gets to work.

/

“Don’t get killed.” Sam repeats disbelievingly and Balthazar shrugs.

”That’s your plan?” The hunter searches for confirmation.

“Isn’t that the one you and your brother have been following for years?” Balthazar asks and Sam purses his lips then makes a little ‘huh’ sound because yeah that pretty much has been their philosophy.

Sam’s fingers grasp his gun tighter and out of the corner of his eye he sees the glint of Balthazar’s angel blade, which he’s not entirely sure will even work on Raphael.

They charge through to the next room and Sam doesn’t realise how infinitely unprepared he is for the situation he walks into.

The angels Balthazar lured here are splayed across the floor, vessels shattered and imprints of their wings burned into the ground.  They were dicks sure but they didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve to die at the hands of their sibling.

Sam realises soon after though that they got off easily when he looks down to see Castiel blood soaked and broken on the floor as Raphael’s fist rushes down and connects with his face, snapping his head back.

“Hey!” Sam shouts and out of instinct to protect Castiel and eliminate the threat he shoots, the bang of the shotgun ringing loud and clear through the air.

The bullet connects with the centre of Raphael’s back and Sam knows that with anyone human, anyone who wasn’t supercharged on souls, it would shatter their spin. Raphael barely flinches, her back curves but then she’s releasing her grip on Castiel and letting him fall to the floor.

She turns to them sharply, exhaling heavily through her nostrils.

“I was almost willing to let you live, after all what are you and your brother to me now except little ant’s waiting for your inevitable deaths but you’re just both so _insistent._ It’s time to die Sam Winchester.”

Sam shoots again and panics when the gun makes an empty sound, he scrambles for a new clip and each clack of Raphael’s heels against the ground are daunting.

By the time Sam has the gun reloaded she’s reached him however Balthazar stands between them before she can take a swing.

“Sweetie why so stressed, is it your time of the month?” Balthazar snarks around a smirk but his lips are trembling and Sam gapes as Balthazar shoves at Raphael with what looks like a great deal of effort. She goes flying through the air and crashing through a wall and Sam winces at the sounds of bricks and plaster being demolished beneath her weight.  

“We don’t have much time hurry.” Balthazar advises then they’re both rushing towards Castiel whose still on the floor unconscious.

“Is he alive?” Sam asks tone daunting, fingers close to but not touching Castiel’s face.

“Barely, he’ll need to heal.”  Balthazar says before he’s helping Sam to lift Castiel until the comatose angel is leant heavily onto Sam’s left side.

A thundering crash sounds from where Balthazar threw Raphael and both the hunter and angel turn towards the sound.

“Time to get the two of you out of here.” Balthazar says and Sam frowns, pulls away from Balthazar’s open palm.

“What do you mean the two of us?” Sam questions, quietly and suspiciously but Balthazar pays no heed.

“I took the liberty of putting warding sigils onto your brother’s car, I can teleport you there and you can drive. Raphael won’t be able to follow you.”  The angel explains and Sam shakes his head.

“Balthazar what are you planning?” Sam says and Balthazar smiles, this time there’s no facade or sarcasm beneath it, it’s open and honest.

The angel looks at Castiel with misted eyes before shaking his head and turning towards Sam.

“You know I’ve known him for over a thousand years and I’ve never seen him love anything more than he does the three of you, damn _hunters_ for god’s sake. I suppose everyone has to go through a phase.” Balthazar says around a wet sounding laugh.

“Balthazar...” Sam starts but doesn’t know where to go with it, he knows that look on the angel’s face, nothing is going to change his mind.

“Take care of him.” Balthazar says and his eyes turn hard for a minute, a determination burning bright in them.

Raphael approaches, charging through the holes in the wall her body made and Balthazar turns so fast Sam barely has time to protest before he’s standing in front of the impala. He hears a jingle and when he reaches into his coat pocket the car keys are there.

He rushes to put Castiel into the passenger seat before he’s jumping into the front and starting the car.

Halfway down the street he feels the air around him vibrate followed by the sharp blinding light of an angel’s essence he sees in the rear view mirror.  

Sam presses down harder onto the gas pedal and sends a silent thank you to Balthazar hoping that wherever the angel is, he can hear Sam.

Sam doesn’t stop driving, not even when the fuel light flashes. Castiel remains passed out in the passenger seat and halfway back to Bobby’s Sam gets out his phone and one handily texts Dean, letting him know that their safe and on their way home.

When he arrives at Bobby’s the front door is practically pulled off of its hinges and Dean’s running out to meet them. He pulls Sam into a crushing hug and Sam breathes out, hugs him back. When he pulls away Bobby’s standing there and Sam feels a rush of relief like no other. He hugs the older hunter before pulling away, hands still on Bobby’s shoulders.

“Cas is in the car, he’s pretty banged up.” Sam explains before helping the angel out. He’s twitching a little the slightest of movements but his eyes are still closed, his breathing still a little too slow.

“What about Balthazar?” Dean asks and Sam gives a mournful shake of his head.

They make their way into the house and Sam lays Cas down onto the living room coach where he drags a chair over and sits by Castiel’s head watching as each injury on Cas slowly but surely heals.

Cas wakes up about an hour later and even then not all of his wounds have healed. The first thing he feels is the loss of Balthazar, his brother’s death a gaping hole in the many internal wounds he has. Then he feels guilt unrelenting as it crashes down upon him, he doesn’t get much time to reflect however because he sees Sam and Dean gathered around a table with things strewn out across it.

 “What the hell is all this stuff?” Dean asks, precariously fingering at a crystal, his face tight and drawn in as if he thinks the crystal will implode from his touch.

Dean turns to look at Cas who’s slowly healing, the angels eyes stray no further than the floor.

Bobby walks through with a bottle of whiskey and four tumblers clasped tightly between his fingers. The glasses clank lightly as he places them down onto his desk.  Bobby pours the drinks and hands them out, faltering slightly as he places one into Cas’s bloodied hands.

Castiel stands shakily and walks towards the table better allowing him to get a look at the items on the table. He recognises the ingredients immediately. 

“It’s a spell for binding Death – the same one Lucifer used.” Cas retorts to Dean’s earlier questioning.

There’s a collective silence before Sam speaks up.

“Are you telling me we have the recipe for Death’s shackles, that we could control him?” 

Castiel nods. “To a certain degree, I believe it was Balthazar’s intention to use this spell.”

“Yeah but why? Make death his bitch then what?” Bobby asks taking a seat on his desk chair.

“In order to kill me.” Cas says and Sam stiffens.

Castiel noticing the change in Sam’s demeanour is quick to reiterate.

“Or whoever swallowed the souls of purgatory. The only people in the entire world powerful enough to stop Raphael at the moment are Death or God.” Castiel’s voice wavers at the end, he almost whispers out God’s name as if he thinks he shouldn’t say it.

It all clicks into place in Sam’s head and he nods briefly, tongue clicking at his own slowness in coming to the conclusion before he turns to face Dean and Bobby.

“The spell was a safety net. Balthazar knew that if we couldn’t have stopped Cas, Death would have- not without some persuasion of course.” Sam says eyeing the ritual ingredients wearily.

“So what we just summon Death? Yeah I’m not really on board with that.” Dean says, arms flailing lightly, tumbler held in his right hand.

“I don’t see the problem.” Sam says and Dean’s body seems to deflate and he rolls his eyes at Sam.

“Are you freakin kidding me – its _Death.”_

“It’s the only thing that seems to be going in our favour. We could shackle Death to us, force him to get rid of Raphael. Could save a hell of a lot of innocent people whiles were at it.” Bobby reasons.

“Can we just remind ourselves about what happened to the last muke that put Death on a dog leash? Death made it his friggin goal to take Lucifer down and he was an _angel._ You don’t wanna know what he could do to us.” Dean intones, eyes fluctuating between all the people in the room.

“Yeah but we would be controlling him, he couldn’t hurt us if we didn’t want him to.” Sam reasons and Cas clears his throat lightly.

“Dean’s right. It’s too dangerous. Even if we did do the spell, the moment we unbound Death he would kill us just for the simple fact that we used the spell against him. He’s too powerful a being for anyone to control. “Castiel says and they all notice the self deprecating tone.

“Well then what are we gonna do because sitting around here on our asses isn’t helping anybody.”  Bobby says.

Castiel places his tumbler, whiskey untouched, onto a pile of books beside him. “We summon Death and we ask for his help.” Castiel supplies and doesn’t miss how his companions eye him as if he’s certifiable. 

Dean blinks rapidly, holds up a placating hand but before he can loudly protest Cas interjects.

“We’re in this mess because of me, let me make it right. Please.”

The hunters exchange looks before Dean exhales through his nose.

“Fine, but if this thing goes south we get the hell out of dodge alright?”

Castiel nods before walking over to the ritual ingredients.

“Oh hold up, hold up.” Dean interrupts.

“What?” Sam asks as he turns to Dean who’s fishing around in his pockets for his wallet.

“We gotta go Denny’s.” Dean says and Sam looks surprised before he rolls his eyes.

“Dean are you honestly thinking about food? Now?”

“Trust me were gonna need it.”

Dean and Bobby take the Impala and head out soon after.

The house is quiet once they leave and Castiel refuses to make eye contact with Sam for more than a few seconds.

Castiel’s rolling the tumbler between his hands, spidery fingers running over the glass. Sam sighs before kneeling before him.

“Remember when I said you couldn’t ignore me forever?” Sam asks light heartedly but Castiel just moves the glass more erratically, eyes snapping shut when Sam’s hands cover his, stilling his motions.

“This is all my fault.” Castiel explains before swallowing. “I’m so sorry Sam.”

“Hey, look at me.” Sam eases gently, taking the glass out of Cas’s hands before placing it on the floor beside him.

“You’re alive, that’s all I care about.” Sam admits. “The rest of the stuff’s just set backs, we can work it all out.”

Castiel looks at Sam, eyes blue and watery before he leans forwards and kisses Sam slowly, hands coming up to cradle and rub at the hairs at the nape of Sam’s neck. Sam kisses him back just as gently angling his head up and running his thumbs across Cas’s jaw line.

They break the kiss but stay close enough that when Sam speaks his lips catch on Cas’s. “Thought I was gonna lose you.” He admits in a whisper, eyes closed arms going round to wrap around Cas’s torso.  Cas leans forward, let’s Sam press his face against Cas’s chest as the angels fingers brush through Sam’s hair.

They stay there embraced, shifting enough to trade warm desperate kisses. They reluctantly pull away from one another when they hear the rumble of Dean’s car sound outside and Sam gets up with a wince, his knees aching and stiff from having knelt for so long.

The smell of oil and salt emanating from the take out bag makes Sam realise how hungry he is, luckily for him he has the best kind of big brother because Dean throws him a bag with a chicken salad inside. He eats messily, doesn’t care about the few bits of cos lettuce that fall into his lap he just scoots them up after, sucks them into his mouth.

The television is background noise and they shut it off when the news channels discuss extreme weird weather conditions.

Castiel draws the summoning symbol in white chalk on top of Bobby’s desk and chants the incantation. The lights flicker and a harsh breeze follows throughout the study and an array of papers shutter off of the bookshelves and fly onto the floor.

“You summoned me but you haven’t bound me.” Death says as a greeting and everyone jumps in surprise except for Castiel. “I can see you have everything here that you’d need which raises the question of why you haven’t used it.”

Dean swallows. “Death.” Is all he manages to say before Castiel takes a tentative step forward.

“Were not going to bind you, we called you here for an exchange. We give you the spell instructions and the ingredients and in return you kill Raphael.”

Death turns to Castiel, thin lips turning downward before he clucks his tongue one hand swinging his walking staff.

“What makes you think I’m willing to make a deal with the likes of you four? I gave you a warning about this a long time ago Dean, the dangers of the souls and purgatory and yet here we are.”

“We could have just binded you and forced you to kill him but we didn’t. That has to count for something.” Sam cuts in voice raised by the slightest increment, hands spread out on either side of him.  

Death doesn’t look contemplative or angry just neutral, there’s nothing readable upon his features and as he slowly raises his hand all three hunters inch back slowly, eyes blinking rapidly when Death clicks his fingers. Once he does the ritual ingredients as well as the binding spell written on the paper disappear.

“It is not my place to fix everything that you imbeciles manage to break, you all made this mess you can clean it up.”

“How? If you haven’t noticed Raphael’s turbo charged.” Dean informs, mouth falling shut a moment later when Death turns to him with a sharp look.   

“Interrupt me again and you’ll regret it.” Death threatens. “Your only hope in stopping Raphael is having him return all the souls to purgatory – _quickly_.”

Sam frowns. “We need a door.” He says and Cas interjects.

“Everything we need is at the mansion, all the ingredients in which are needed to open the door to Purgatory.”

“But that door only opens in the eclipse, and that’s over.”  Bobby points out and Death looks at them all with an air of exhaustion, fingers curling around his staff.

“And that is where I help you, I’ll create another one. 3:59, Sunday morning just before dawn. Be punctual. “He turns to Cas and raises a finger. “Don’t thank me, clean up your mess.”  He advises before he turns, his long black coat shuffling around his ankles and then he’s gone out the door.

“Well I think that went pretty well.”  Dean comments before looking over to the takeout bag he forgot to offer Death. With a grin he picks it up and noisily opens it taking a pickle chip from inside and eating it. When he turns to see the other three staring at him he raises an eyebrow before swallowing. “What – oh did you want some?” He asks and all he gets in reply are exasperated groans.

They spend the next few hours doing weapon checks and spare enough time to make a quick dinner before they gather in the study to strategise.

Bobby runs a hand over his tired eyes, adjusts his cap before adding a bit of whiskey to his coffee.

“So we got an arsenal, enough to slow Raphael down all we need to do is figure out a way in which we can lure him back to the mansion and get him in front of the door to Purgatory.”  Bobby explains around a sigh because it’s a hell of a lot harder than it sounds. They have to find Raphael and keep her in front of the door to purgatory long enough to recite the incantation to open the doors. And even if they do manage that and return the souls to purgatory she’ll still be strong enough to kill them.

“Me.” Castiel says and all the hunters turn to him with inquisitive frowns.  

“I’ll be the bait.” Cas says and Sam sucks in a breath before turning to him.

“No way.” Sam says and Cas locks eyes with Sam.

“This is the only way; we know that Raphael will do whatever it takes to find me. She wishes to make an example of me and show the other angels that if they dare disobey her she’ll punish them. It’s the only solid leverage we have.”  Castiel shoots back and Sam’s jaw tightens. Dean looks awkwardly between them before clearing his throat.

“He’s right Sammy. It’s the only way we can lure Raphael to the warehouse and get those souls back to where they belong _– but_.” Dean stresses the word when Sam looks like he’s about to protest. “But you’re only there to draw him to the mansion the moment things get ugly you get the hell of there you hear me?” Dean says eyes going from Sam to Cas.

“I understand.” Castiel replies.

“So it’s settled, all we gotta do is find him.” Bobby says and Cas nods.

“I can take care of that, I doubt he’ll be hiding his location. He has no need to; right now he’s one of the most powerful creatures in the universe.”

They all nod in agreement and Castiel exits the room, so he can go and perform a location spell. Sam goes to follow him and only stops when Dean calls him over. Sam looks reluctant, watches Cas walk for a moment before he turns to Dean.

“What’s up?” He asks and Dean just hands him a beer, inclining his head to the chair opposite him.

“Crazy twenty four hours huh?” Dean says and Sam huffs humourlessly.

“That’s an understatement.” The younger hunter provides and Dean raises his beer bottle in a small toast before mumbling a ‘hey I hear that’.

Their silent for a few moments before Dean leans forwards in his chair placing his beer bottle onto the table between them.

“How are you feeling anyway?” Dean pensively asks and Sam looks up, blinks at his brother.

“Fine.” He replies confused before it clicks and he realises what Dean is trying to get at.

“I haven’t seen anything else. Of hell I mean. Nothing, no flashes.”

Dean releases a slow shaky breath.

“Good, that’s good.” He says fingers picking at the label on his beer bottle.  “But that doesn’t mean that you won’t get them again, you know that right?  You gotta stop scratching at the wall.”

Sam sighs lightly and Dean eyes Sam seriously.

“I mean it Sammy, I need you. We all need you and that wall is the only thing keeping you together. Promise me you’ll look after yourself.” Dean says and Sam nods resolutely.

“I promise.” Dean nods, gratitude showing in his features before he goes back to drinking his beer. The two of them sit there companionably greeting Bobby with inclinations of their heads when the older hunter joins them.  

Bobby points out that they still don’t know what happened to Crowley but it’s most likely that he’s alive.

“God he’s like a cockroach, a limey cockroach.” Dean intones, face pulled into a grimace.

“Well I guess were just gonna have to squash him too then.” The older hunter says.

Bobby pulls out the whiskey and they silently drink letting the alcohol and their exhaustion sink in. Dean takes the playing cards out of the kitchen drawer and they’re on their second game when Cas walks in.

“I found him.” Castiel informs them.  “He’s in Illinois.”

“So that’s it then. We rest up and first thing tomorrow we go after Raphael.” Dean says and there’s a tension filled anxious silence before Bobby speaks up. “You in Cas?” The hunter asks collecting the cards splayed around the table until he’s holding the entire pack up.

“I’ve never played poker before.” The angel admits and Dean smiles before clapping him on the shoulder.

“Well the first thing you gotta know is that with poker you’re not just playing the game you’re playing you’re opponent.”  Sam groans but grins through it, watches as Cas takes a seat between him and Dean and if his knee is pressed against Cas’s beneath the table well nobody has to know.

About an hour later they all turn in for the night having decided they’ll go after Raphael in the morning, they still have a good few hours before the eclipse.

Castiel follows Sam up to the guest room and once the door eases shut behind Cas, Sam’s on him mouth soft and warm against Castiel’s own, hands desperate and wanting as they push at the folds of Cas’s trench coat. They fall onto the bed and the mattress releases a squeaking groan beneath the brute of their combined weights.

Their clothes fall way, slipping off of their clammy skin. Sam lies back, pulls Cas into the V of his spread legs and the first brush of skin on skin contact has them gasping into each other’s mouths eventually pushing their lips together in the hopes to muffle the sounds their making. Their movements turn frantic, pushes and pulls of limbs as they burrow beneath the bed covers treating it as some type of security blanket.

Cas prepares Sam with lube slick slightly trembling fingers and when he pushes his way inside, Sam bites at the angels shoulder, his hands stretched up above his head, palms pressed flat against the headboard. Cas heavily breaths against Sam’s face as he undulates his hips, the mattress squeaking with each one of his rocking movements. Sam feels his face flushing as the sounds become louder and he moves one hand away from the headboard to slap it over his mouth as he comes hot and slick between them coating his and Cas’s chests. Cas’s mouth falls open in a long gasp, hand digging into Sam’s sweat slick thigh as he fucks into him once, twice, them he’s coming.

Sam pushes his hips up slightly, shudders at the feeling of Cas still inside him where Sam’s soft and sensitive. He runs his hands through Castiel’s hair, kisses him steadily before Cas leans down to rest his head on Sam’s chest.

“Sam-.“ Cas starts his voice wavering and Sam sighs not unkindly before he continues running his fingers through Cas’s hair.

“It’s okay Cas.” He tells him even though that’s not entirely true, it’s not okay because even though Sam hasn’t had any hallucinations he’s still chipped at a piece of the wall and it there’s no promises that things will go the way they want them to tomorrow.

Cas raises his head enough for him to look into Sam’s eyes.

“Tonight could be our last night on Earth and you’re saying it’s okay. Are you honestly telling me you’d be okay with dying tomorrow?”

Sam shifts slightly and Cas feels the hunters foot brush over his ankle.

“Yeah, I would be.” There’s not one iota of a lie in Sam’s voice and when the hunter’s arms curl around Cas, pulling the angel into him until there’s not one bit of their bodies that isn’t connected Castiel forgets about everything else. Everything except the secure band of Sam’s arms in which he realises that yes he’d be okay with it too.

/

The End.

 


End file.
